just a mess

I think the only way to describe things as of late is a mess; an absolute mess. I'm working like a hellbent man on completing my mission for this month, but it's hard as hell. The more I see in front of me, the more reason I see to just drop a lot of things at once.

I'm tired of arguing with people online -- especially friends -- about everything under the sun. Especially when it is a misunderstanding about who I am or how I feel; people would rather be mad than ask what the hell is going on and it's really starting to get to the point that I don't want to bother anymore. Either that or some other person is asking me about sex. I'm tired of that, too.

I'm serious. I mean every single day this week. I'm not shirtless on my webcam because I feel like strip teasing -- it's freakin' hot in my room. I have the thermostat on 65 and the temperature in my room is still about 80 degrees. My heating system rocks. That being said, go get your rocks off somewhere else before you come back and talk to me. *middle finger here*

I wish people would be more thoughtful about what they say; someone texts me "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" and then wonders why I was mad. Really? Fuck you. Then they argue with me about varying things while trying to make small talk and can't fathom why I'm irritated...

Let's be clear: friendship and sex are not synonymous. I'm looking for friends. Not "friends with benefits" and not "fuck buddies". If I wanted it, I could have that and more, but I don't. Not even a little bit and every day there seems to be another reason why that side of myself  will lie dormant forever; even if I wanted that kind of relationship, I won't find anyone worthy of it. Not near my age for sure. I can think of a select few people and they probably don't know who they are, but other than those people, fuck that...

...on second thought, definitely not.

Aside from that, I can't seem to get things done on time and they are really, really important things. I have bills that need to be paid, but I'm being paid late. Almost a week late to be precise. If it were something like my phone, then I wouldn't care as much, but these are things that directly impact my ability to do my job. The net is out, electricity and water will be due this week, rent is in two weeks and I can't this invoice to come through.

Then add my varying friends and their varying issues, all of which I care deeply about because it is important to me that they are okay.... Mind you, I'm not taking on their stuff -- I share my thoughts and move along -- but I care. Then there is household drama here and there rearing its ugly head and I see a dream disappearing quickly into the wind (I have always wanted to live with all of my friends in the same place where we could be happy with each other and care for each other always... I don't care if it sounds childish -- only a child could dream something like that).

Then I have two jobs now. Two. 9a-5p Monday - Friday and then this other job at every other time. I'm sure I will make plenty of money, but I'll be damned if it won't kill me. My birthday might find me dead of stress at this rate...

...and if you have my phone number, you might not be able to contact me for a few days. Just a heads-up.

So let's sum up:

• Grow up. Sex isn't the only kind of relationship you can have to a person and on top of that it isn't even the best one.
• Give me a break. I'm tired of fighting with you.
• Help... Someone give me a bloody vacation... preferably a free one since I'm broke as fuck.
• Email me... since my phone will be out, but I work at an office. Remember: Monday thru Friday 9a-5p EST.