All in 24 Hours

Yesterday should get the blue ribbon for the "What The Fuck" category.

I drove for 5.5 hours to miss a wedding and then drove back home. I tried to make the best of it with pictures and a small snack along the way. While on my way home, Rickey texts to ask if he can have a party at the house.

Um... sure. Just make sure everyone cleans up.

Are you inviting anyone?

Um, you just told me about the party. Who would I have time to invite on the road?

Oh, well I didn't know if someone would be visiting you when you got home or...

Right. Who are you inviting?

Some friends. A couple of the guys from last night. A few girls.

Oh okay, cool. No sex at the house though.

WHAT?!?!?! When did that become a rule?!

Rickey, you and your friends are not hooking up with random girls at our house. Other people live here. It's one thing if you're in your own room, but you're talking about a group of people, so hell no.

I'd be in my room.

Rickey, your friends can't be in your room and they are not having sex all over our apartment.

That was a red flag. I can't stand that. A party for hookups really?! I couldn't even begin to fathom all of this. Fast forward past my tweets and Polli writes me and this evolves into a discussion about my thoughts on sex and sexuality which include comments like:

Marriage is a piece of paper, the bond is what matters. [I know you very much don't agree with it at all outside of wedlock...]

By the way, he thought having a party for the hookup was stupid as hell.

I was too mad to even speak about the subject, so I just sang songs in the car until I got home, packed things, locked doors, drove around came back and tried to sleep. Of course, because of my abnormal sleeping habits, I woke up. While I didn't hear everything, there were telltale signs. Quiet music playing and other things. I attempted to keep sleeping only to wake up to her voice (whoever she was) talking to her place of work as she was slightly late and needed to hurry into work.

Thinking about this for hours since I wasn't able to sleep after that birthed this:

I can hear, see and do. I am thankful for awareness. I'm thankful I can choose to be or not be someone or somewhere. I am thankful for people that love support & respect me, my quirkiness, & my wishes even as ppl who don't respect either will hit "like"/RT. I am thankful that I have been privileged to see the worst of ppl. It keeps me aware of the world I'm in. True love & respect is rare. I'm thankful for truth that is hard to handle and that I would rather not see whether it is about others or myself.

That's where I am right now. I really am more separated than even I thought. I am almost surprised by my own reactions to all of this. What I'm learning is that, about these things, explaining myself is a waste of time on so many levels because they can't understand where I'm coming from and why I value what I value and after nights like last night, I really have to give focused thought and consideration to the idea of living alone. It would make the most sense rather explaining why I don't get drunk, have hookups, watch gratuitous amounts of porn and why I think it makes sense that, if you have roommates, you don't have hookups at the house you share with those people.

I'm so toasted on this, it's not even funny.

So what did I do as I walked downstairs and found varying people sleeping all over the furniture, remembering all that I had heard? I cooked breakfast for them. Bacon, eggs, and apples. I even gave them lots of water to stave off potential hangover after noticing the large bottle of vodka on the table. I am a fucking moron, but that's always been the case. After that, I cleaned the kitchen, then ate my breakfast.

While I cooked, Sanquan just said, "I'm sorry." My reply: "Not your fault." It was dropped after that.

I discovered one of Rickey's friends upstairs still asleep. I made him a bowl of cereal and gave him a large glass of water as well. After that, everyone went on their way.

I have got to escape before I nut the fuck up and I have a lot of things to think about. To deal with getting out, I'm going to drive. As for the things I need to think about, that's another story that no one will know about until the results show up.