When I am with you, I feel calm. Peaceful. Unafraid. I hold things back, but it's how we are now and I rest in that. I've not wondered in so long if you love me because I know you do. I'm so comfortable in that knowledge, I never consider thinking otherwise for even a moment on our worst days. It's almost like I take it for granted; it would be easy to.
I never do, though.
I just rest in it. There's no fear in that love. At all.
You on the other hand. I panic. I wonder. I try. I strive. The stupid thing is, you've told me that I earned it effortlessly time and time again. The same reminders as I read your words. It's not earned and I don't have to try to earn it now that I already have it; you've willing wrapped yourself in me. I need not be afraid, you're drawn to the person I am in such a way that it never crosses your mind to even mildly dislike me.
What is wrong here? It should be simple. Yet, there was that undercurrent. Sure, it didn't stop me, but it's there to start with and that's not right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that there's that barrier...
...rather there was.
Now I'm back with the hammers and the drills and the stomping boots.
"Sometimes, fear keeps you alive..."
I don't believe that. Maybe it was the spark. Maybe it was talking about the ocean. Whatever it was, out of my Spirit came that verse and now I realize I'm not loving you correctly and I'm correcting it now.
I will love you without fear and I will rest in your love for me and that's how it is.
I feel bad. I really do, but I don't want to waste more time than I need to feeling badly when I can use it to love you better; my eyes -- your eyes, our eyes, whomever's eyes -- are opened to our errors in love so we can love more and better and I will not waste the gift given me.
I can't know whether it will work. I can't know whether I can rest in your love. I don't know if I can trust it at all... unless I commit to trusting it. So I do. I commit.
I commit to loving you better.
I commit to trusting your love more.
I will heed your words and warnings and I will repay in full all that I may have missed giving you while spazzing out. I still ache, I still miss you, I still want very much for you to be here, but now there is no fear of loss; if you leave, you do, but I rest in knowing you've chosen to stay and I need not wonder about it.
It's hard at the beginning since we've not had the time to develop that foundation of talking for hours and settling into that comfort and I look forward to seeing how that develops.
Most of all, I look forward to loving you more fearlessly.
A lot more fearlessly.
That dream I shared is a start. I've not spoken that dream in 10 years to a single soul. That is my treasure. That is my sign of resting in your love. If you drop that, it shatters and if you drop me, I'll perish.
Guard it -- and me -- well.
I love you.
I never do, though.
I just rest in it. There's no fear in that love. At all.
You on the other hand. I panic. I wonder. I try. I strive. The stupid thing is, you've told me that I earned it effortlessly time and time again. The same reminders as I read your words. It's not earned and I don't have to try to earn it now that I already have it; you've willing wrapped yourself in me. I need not be afraid, you're drawn to the person I am in such a way that it never crosses your mind to even mildly dislike me.
What is wrong here? It should be simple. Yet, there was that undercurrent. Sure, it didn't stop me, but it's there to start with and that's not right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that there's that barrier...
...rather there was.
Now I'm back with the hammers and the drills and the stomping boots.
"Sometimes, fear keeps you alive..."
I don't believe that. Maybe it was the spark. Maybe it was talking about the ocean. Whatever it was, out of my Spirit came that verse and now I realize I'm not loving you correctly and I'm correcting it now.
I will love you without fear and I will rest in your love for me and that's how it is.
I feel bad. I really do, but I don't want to waste more time than I need to feeling badly when I can use it to love you better; my eyes -- your eyes, our eyes, whomever's eyes -- are opened to our errors in love so we can love more and better and I will not waste the gift given me.
I can't know whether it will work. I can't know whether I can rest in your love. I don't know if I can trust it at all... unless I commit to trusting it. So I do. I commit.
I commit to loving you better.
I commit to trusting your love more.
I will heed your words and warnings and I will repay in full all that I may have missed giving you while spazzing out. I still ache, I still miss you, I still want very much for you to be here, but now there is no fear of loss; if you leave, you do, but I rest in knowing you've chosen to stay and I need not wonder about it.
It's hard at the beginning since we've not had the time to develop that foundation of talking for hours and settling into that comfort and I look forward to seeing how that develops.
Most of all, I look forward to loving you more fearlessly.
A lot more fearlessly.
That dream I shared is a start. I've not spoken that dream in 10 years to a single soul. That is my treasure. That is my sign of resting in your love. If you drop that, it shatters and if you drop me, I'll perish.
Guard it -- and me -- well.
I love you.
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