Nothing in any particular order, but a few things I wanted to write about.
I will admit: you try. At least, I think that's what you just did. At the same time, I have to go back to the thoughts I had earlier today and I will write them here before I have the chance to recant; you are not my friend right now.
As you talked to me, I made a list of what I give and want to get in friendship. There is nothing like you on that list. When you hug me, it's not for an exchange of affection. Rather it is for your relief. When you offer to spend time with me, it is not because you enjoy me as a person but because you enjoy the benefit of my presence. You use me to escape loneliness and ask me questions because you don't want to endure the effort required to think through varying life situations.
In your eyes, I am a thing to prevent your loneliness and to amplify your sense of amusement or any number of things you perceive as a positive. I'm a therapist. An acquaintance of convenience.
But I am not a thing. I am a person. All friends are people. Until you realize this, you are not my friend. However, knowing you, you will continue to think I am.
I will admit: you try. At least, I think that's what you just did. At the same time, I have to go back to the thoughts I had earlier today and I will write them here before I have the chance to recant; you are not my friend right now.
As you talked to me, I made a list of what I give and want to get in friendship. There is nothing like you on that list. When you hug me, it's not for an exchange of affection. Rather it is for your relief. When you offer to spend time with me, it is not because you enjoy me as a person but because you enjoy the benefit of my presence. You use me to escape loneliness and ask me questions because you don't want to endure the effort required to think through varying life situations.
In your eyes, I am a thing to prevent your loneliness and to amplify your sense of amusement or any number of things you perceive as a positive. I'm a therapist. An acquaintance of convenience.
But I am not a thing. I am a person. All friends are people. Until you realize this, you are not my friend. However, knowing you, you will continue to think I am.
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I thought about this moment for the longest time. You finally called and asked me to hang out. You wanted me to be around and be with you somewhere -- anywhere.
It felt good to read what you wrote but even so, with you here and me sitting right next to you, I feel so separated. It's as I planned, but infinitely more concrete. It seems I've let go a little. Mind, things have yet to be said or done on some levels and they probably won't be, but if they were I think I could actually refuse and I never thought I'd see that day.
Meeting your friend was nice and I'm glad I could share a couple of laughs. I enjoyed the dialogue on the way home. Thanks for that. Thanks for everything.
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