Why why why

I suppose that ultimately, it just sucks; I wish I had more than the misgivings and heartache I feel now. 

A once blossoming field of flora now lies fallow and I continue to deal with the effects.

I miss lacking the doubt. I miss not having all of these questions about why you want to do even the most basic of things that are just part of a normal, healthy friendship. I miss talking to you frequently throughout the day and looking forward to seeing you again when I part ways with you for varying things. 

I miss who you were to me, but I struggle to accept that you may be different now.

I think about how that has affected everything and everyone around you; a lot of people were hurt on the process of you doing all of the things you did.

But I somehow find myself believing that you are still worth trying for even if I don't know if you're safe or if I can being myself to be as open as I was or even forgive you for doing all of this to me. To our friendship. 

Why would you throw it away for someone you were warned about only to have to call on that same bond later?