I was asked about the romantic aspect of my life by my mom a couple of weeks ago. Before you turn your head and groan, it wasn't at all awkward. It ended up being quite enlightening for her (although it opened up more than a few old wounds for me) and I am going to share the frustration of that enlightenment with you.
So here I am, now 27 (yay...) and with no girlfriend or even a prospect for one. Why would I have one of those anyway? Most of my ideas in that regard usually crash and burn with all of the splendor of a supernova. Why? The reasons vary and talking about those in this blog would be slightly hurtful in best case. Suffice to say, it will be skipped. We were there and we know what happened.
Where does that leave me now? Frustrated a little. Just a little, though; if I were that determined, I am sure I could have compromised or something somewhere and I would have had that girlfriend by now. Maybe a wife. However, on some things, I will not and so I don't. Honestly, my thoughts on what a girlfriend is and what a wife is are so variant to what I hear that I should be shocked to the point of dying if I found one.
I want a companion. Life is this grand adventure in my mind. I want someone with whom I can share it. I want to cuddle on the couch and watch movies. Read books and discuss. Plant gardens. Wash her hair. Cook with her in the kitchen. Play video games or just play. Dance. Sing. Take long walks and talk about some things, nothing, anything and not even notice the passing of the time.
No one I run into wants this. They want someone to cook for them, not with them. They want this intense romance and feelings to exist in me for them and only them. How can I develop that without knowing you and spending time with you? That's unreasonable in my mind; how can you expect deep rivers of feelings on only a drop of time? I don't approach relationships like this. I think it's a commitment to love no matter what. To work through and endure and stick things out when we don't like each other. What about this? I'm left staring into a void as ever I am.
The worst part of this is that men continually get a bad rap about the supposed dogs they are and when I come along and express a relationship of this type, I get labeled as gay. Gay because I want the first thing my lady notices to be my soul and not my abs. Just like I want to notice her soul and not her [trying to be PG-13 here]. I hear music and see movies and talk shows and listen to people talk about how men are these terrible, horrible people and I'm like "Are you kidding me?!" as I imagine how many of them have walked by me, smiling sweetly and going on from there ranting about how terrible guys are. Seriously, ladies, make up your mind. Either you want the gentleman or you don't (not that I am one in the traditional sense), but if you aren't going to give him a chance when he comes then don't badmouth anyone.
Maybe I'll find someone, but it's more likely that I won't. I seem to want too much among other things. *shrug* If you are reading this, I have only found a few answers for dealing with this, but if you feel as I do, know you are not alone.
girls see abs, but guys see something that has to be censored? oh my... ~ on a more serious note: what you want and how you see it makes more sense and feels more right than anything else out there. I've no idea why mainstream folks or anyone else you've encountered have seemed so taken aback by this concept. It feels wonderful to read about. I can understand how some people may want more, but I can't understand how what you describe as a basis for a relationship and way of being with someone wouldn't be everyone else's goal for their basis for a relationship as well. You deserve someone to share those things with and it's my hope she's on her way to you.
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