halloween and the day after

Today was barely eventful. I spent most of it enjoying the sounds of solitude. Then I got to talk to Momo for a bit. I was bombarded with instant messages from every corner of the globe it seemed.

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After that, it was requests about the party -- was I going? did I have safety pins? could someone borrow my paper clips? Got my costume on and made my way to Q at Burger King, then it was off to the store, then the party. Got there and was hugged or kissed or both by every person there excepting exactly one person -- it was as if I became the VIP just by stepping on the property.

To say the least, it was a nice feeling. At the same time, my heart was very much somewhere else.

Chilled out with the guys for a while. They wanted me and Jingles to sing a bit, so we did. They wanted more, but I was thirsty so I opted out. The night continued with dancing and singing. A group of people went the Rocky Horror Picture Show and I remained behind with some of the people there. More partying, music, and so on.

Drinking followed with amusing results. Especially to the sober guy (one of two out of twenty or two). My friends were kidding about being married to each other, but they very well may be now. I almost fell asleep from loneliness (ironic, actually) and boredom at one point. Texting was a lifesaver. RM came over to me and turned my head toward him, then smiled. Honestly, I wanted to forget everything and just hug him like nothing happened, but that is a pipe dream which was immediately dismissed.

After a while, as I guessed would happen, RM got sick and started throwing up. At this point, I was called to DD duty for the night; there was only one person out of that group sober enough to drive, but none of them knew the way home. I led the way, stopping a few times as the passenger in B's car threw up multiple times and the passenger in my car threw up once. Luckily, I had the wherewithal to find crackers for them to eat in order to keep them from sleeping on pure alcohol running through their system.

I've been up since then (now an hour and some change) making sure everyone was okay and not puking their guts out. Things are settled for now; everyone else is in bed sleeping things off and I am awake.

Texting Q tonight about this, I have to wonder why I even bothered. Momo wonders similar things. Honestly, I couldn't just not care. In the end, I always choose to care and to take care of people when I see that they need help and that's all there is to it. My heart can't say no. I wish I could after all the shit I've been through, but I don't know... It's so dumb, but I can't be otherwise and I can't just shut off who I am...