Getting Through

You know, things are changing. It has nothing to do with my recent birthday, either. It's just my occasional cycles of what I'll call soul maintenance. Namely, I just take an inventory of myself for no reason at all or something will call attention to an area of my life.

Lately, I've been slipping in my workouts; I don't always have the drive to just do them and enjoy it. There are a lot of reasons for that, but even so, it's become important to me (and in a way, it always has been). So, I'm starting new today and going at it when I get home.


I've been processing, in an amusing way, how I'm handling things. Apathy in a big way. I don't care about my kitchen much or much of a lot of things. I just deal with things and I keep moving. If someone is hurt, I don't care. If they're happy, I don't care that much, either. I mean, it's not like I'm emotionless, but most times, I'm like "eh, whatever".

For instance, the other day, I found out that a friend of me was offended over something I didn't do. I was mad because they didn't tell me straight up, then I gave that thought a bit of air and stopped caring about it; if you can't talk to me, it's not my problem. Talking to me is simply not that hard. I met up with them later and we spoke our minds about it, laughed a bit, and went on our way. Maybe this sounds bad, but part of me doesn't care if we ever meet up again really and that doesn't bother me in the slightest. We probably will, but I just don't have time to care about every person being mad at me. I don't.

I went to the mall the other day and got some shirts. I need to go back and get fitted for some things and it's on my list of things to do. That was unneeded, but I wrote it.

I found out some fun things over this birthday week of mine:

• patron tastes good
• i shouldn't go out with my family to places with unusual food or venues
• tattoos take a lot of planning and that includes backup plans
• having two earrings is a good look for me
• exercise maintains itself
• my friends are delightful and i love them all 
• i wish Polli could have been there to drink that patron with me

Lately, I've been looking at things that haven't been done yet. I'm wasting time and that's bullshit. I need to stop doing that. To make an effort in that direction, I made a mess. A really big mess. I pulled things out of the closet and all these other things. Now they are just sitting in the middle of the floor or all over the desk. I just threw things out. I have given some things a time limit. If I don't become active with them within that time, I'm getting rid of them. I'm reading packets and writing letters and just getting shit done because sometimes that's all that needs to happen. No mourning, no grieving, no complaining, no self-flagellation about being a lazy bitch and not living up to your full potential. You just get up, shake off/clean up the bullshit and lies you've allowed to pile up and get your ass in gear. I will be playing video games by this summer and that's just the bottom line.

Finally, I'm enjoying my life. I'm enjoying my new job and how I'm already contributing here. In a week, I've had three people tell me that they enjoy me and they are glad I'm here. I'm solving major problems and helping people organize things. I think that I will fit in well here.

I mean, I have my bad and rough days, but all that accounted for my life is fucking amazing; I had a beer at work. You wish you had that kind of job :D

More seriously, though, I am well and that is enough for now. I have things to think about and push through and focus on, but I'm also very much content and the one who is content possesses everything.