?
All I know is that you were going to dinner. Or at least that's what you said. You did some other things and then went. I tried to think little of it.
Hours passed.
We were in mid-lesson when you left. I had things I wanted to teach you when you got back, but you didn't return so, after a while, I sent a text, then a Skype message.
I don't understand, though. I really don't. I tried to think about what could be wrong. Were you tired? Were you stressed? Was this just not a good day for a lesson? You did schedule it for today, though. I was truly lost and I didn't want to immediately think, "Oh, he just ditched because he's being a tool" or "He really doesn't care about learning any of this" or some other almost needlessly negative thing like that (even if I did struggle to fight thinking that those thoughts were more likely the reality of things).
There really was little explanation of what happened. You had dinner, you took a shower, you probably watched some things via the net. Good things to watch too, probably; you and I have similar tastes in live action shows and such...
I don't know. In the end, I started to feel a bit down. I just didn't understand stuff and it didn't make sense and I don't want to think horrible things about you when I already struggle as it is with so many other people and I could already imagine you in my head telling me I was overreacting even though, from what I am reading of my own writing, I clearly have a reason to and no reason to think otherwise.
After an hour of this, I decided to just watch a movie I hadn't watched yet and knock something off my anime list while writing lesson notes for the lessons you've already taken. I thought about the silliness of that considering how I felt, but I did it anyway. I'm still working on it and I will continue to for a while, but I really do wish I knew what happened with last night and why.
??
Yes, more question marks.
Phillip asked if he could pick me up from work yesterday. When I asked why, he confessed that he wanted to pay the electric bill. A notice had come in Wednesday that said a certain amount was due Thursday, but I explained that it was fine and we could go Friday before noon and be okay.
He decided to come anyway. I didn't know whether to thank him or rage. After all I have done to keep things in balance and bills paid, he deigns to pick me up as if to make sure I pay the bills I've been paying since before he moved here. I just went and paid the water bill (mostly by accident) and made arrangements to have the electric bill money turned in by next Wednesday.
I waited and thought through all of this and asked Polli what he thought. I even asked Phillip about this when he finally arrived after being lost for however long. What was his response? Well, the bill said Wednesday. When I walked him through what I had already said and why, his response was Oh.
Really?
The more regaling of this and that thing about his day. Sometimes, I really do think I should just...
Whatever.
....
So I finally got a picture of my manga page up on deviantart. I'm happy about that and getting some paper so I can draw more art and hang it up in my room.
Other than that, I'm also happy about a bunch of projects I have in to work on for the next little while.
Things are okay for the most part on the surface. The lesson thing from last night rattles around in my mind, though; I guess I take it personally. I'm trying to share not just knowledge, but the piece of my life that's attached to that knowledge. I have to understand as a teacher in any aspect that there are those that will appreciate and value that and others that won't and still others that appreciate it but not as much as me -- that's being among people for you.
I've started reading a fun little fanfic Polli showed me a while back and I have it on my new RSS feed reader, Reeder. Links to google reader. Simple, but gorgeous interface. Quick and lightweight. Why did I ever use pulse?
!!!
I really need to make some images for the last few entries. I've been more in a mood to write, but now that I've gotten the writing down, I'll find an image to go with those things.
Jami is getting close to a hang out day, so she gave me her number when I came into Starbucks today. I have to say, it made me smile.
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