Breathe, Remember, Release

Today has not started well and there are several things in the pot. I'll just list a few things:

A friend of mine said that I should call him to carpool in the morning. On day one of this, his phone wasn't working, but I had my roommate on hand who was very kind to take me. Today, day two, as per his instructions, I messaged him on FB. His notifications were off and therefore I was two hours late to work.

In the meanwhile, my boss, who was in an off mood, demanded that HR make a document specifically stating work hours and that violating them more than twice will get you fired. Among the other messages he sent were:

Get your ass in the office
and when you get here don't give me pawty face cause its not the right day

At this moment, I just steel myself inside. I ignore the badly spelled word, the fact that he left work at 4:30 while I stayed until 6:15PM two days ago, that he borrowed my office keys and then neglected to bring them back and showed up at 10AM.

I ignore all of this and I imagine speaking to him very directly about my feelings. I wonder what the point will be. I wonder if it will end with me simply walking out of these doors never to return. I think about what I expect out of the people that speak to me.

I breathe. I ride the bus. I walk into work and behave as if none of this was said to me. I don't comment. My coworker comments on what's being said. I say "I am in no position to complain. It's policy." I read the email:

Hello
I am requesting to update and formalize in the designated HR papers clearly that working hours in Docebo NA are 9AM to 6 PM with a lunch break from 1 to 2 PM. 

Flexible hours or working from home need to be agreed with HR and myself upfront.

Delays in respecting working hours will generate a written warning and second warning will be potential for termination of contract effective immediate.

If any questions let me know.

Thanks,
A

I then remember every time that he had said:

• we're flexible
• we're not IBM
• these are general hours, but we don't want to be super rigid about them
• i hate when someone walks in and, the moment the hour is up, they just clock out and leave

But all of that's no longer true. We are all of those things. My coworker says, "So that means that, at 6PM and no later, we should walk straight out of here..." I ponder the humor and drama that would cause. This is the kind of person my boss is; misguided rage under stress. He won't apologize for this. I'm not even upset; I simply know this to be true of this person. He will forget about this in moments and I will remember it for weeks.

I will remember that I am usually here on time and earlier and that I have the sun rise from this office window more times than I will ever care to remember. I do not regret them, but I spent them here. 6:30-8:30AM until 6:30-7PM. Without fail for months on end without missing a single day even if I was the only person to be in the office that day.

None of this meant a thing.

But more than that, I don't know if I want to keep dealing with this. With him. What do I do? He's a likeable guy when he's not stressed. He really is. I can't justify the blow-ups with that. I really can't and I won't and I have no reason to. He saw me in the middle of writing all of this. He's texting me right now. I don't care very much about any of this, but I should probably make the effort if he wants to reconcile this. Maybe he does. That's fine.

At the end of the day - this one and every one after - I have to decide what and with whom I want to live. Maybe I'm at a point where that list does not include this office or any other one. There will certainly be people missing. I'm okay with that for now.