Wishes and Wants: A Frank Letter

I'm not even going to preface it: I wish you hadn't.

I wish you had never said that you loved me. Not even once. It would have been better to not have heard that, than to have had you say it and then take it back.

I asked you – and multiple times – if you meant that. I asked you to tell me if you ever changed your mind; I can't chase you every day wondering if you would be brave enough to stick around or not. I simply couldn't.

Not even three months into it all, you said, "Oh, well I haven't thought that in a while now...." when I reached out for a connection from which you had long since receded. Now, here we stand, months later, and you try to play the song on strings that have worn thin and snapped.

How dare you?

To text me, to hug me, to tell me you want to visit me and even be bold enough to do so. Then, to disappear as quickly as you attempted to reappear. It is almost laughable when you look at me, startled that I don't believe in what you are offering.

Yes, I did outright ask you to think about the relationship/friendship/whatevership we have and to get back to me if you ever made up your mind. I'll be surprised if I hear so much as the wind in reply.

Not that it makes it any easier when I have to deal with the leftovers. Devotion I could have given to an amazing friend, only for you to take as large a sip as you can and then move to another flower.

I wish you had never said it, but more than that, I wish there wasn't a part of me that still believed you. I'm clearly out of my mind to do so when you continue to not just fail, but to take what I've given you and wound me with it.

Only a person like you could attempt to wound me with my own heart.

So yes, I'm closed. Yes, you will have to earn every bit you get from me. I feel deeply for the ones that come after you, but maybe you've done them a service because at least if there is someone that comes after you, I won't have to waste my love on you anymore.