I've gone back and forth with whether or not to migrate this blog and I may yet, but after almost two years of not uttering a word, I'd like to offer a reintroduction to myself.
I've aged about two years.
At the time of my last entry, I wrote an ode to transition and none of those words have faded. Time carried me forward to other arms and I enjoy them. I've been back and forth with my heart, my mind, with God...
...and survived.
Many people have exited my life. Some of their own accord, most of mine because I chose my peace over the comfort of others and got good at making that choice.
I've learned a lot in that time and no lesson more than how to give yourself the closure others won't and how not to bleed unless I choose it. Morgan, a friend I thought I would always have, is on an app list that I'm using to remind myself to text him every so often. I wouldn't remember otherwise because he's not a part of my everyday life anymore.
That was just as much his choice as mine.
James wrote me a note and I am pondering whether I want to accept the invitation it contains. Rebecca wrote me a letter and I ended up in the same place.
I'm just as kind, but much more unrelenting. Unforgiving. Intolerant of fault. Namely because I choose not to bleed. I will still find a way to laugh, but I struggle to find ways to cry. I've not been able to name pain in a very long time. We sit together, but often have nothing to say. I miss being able to shed tears about what I feel at times, but I've settled for yogurt instead.
I'm still into anime, MMOs, music, and writing. In fact, I have a separate blog for that. I'm still compassionate even if a bit desensitized. I like ice cream.
And chocolate chip cookies.
And hugs.
I long for adventure. Not to find myself, but because I already have.
Hello. It's me.
I've aged about two years.
At the time of my last entry, I wrote an ode to transition and none of those words have faded. Time carried me forward to other arms and I enjoy them. I've been back and forth with my heart, my mind, with God...
...and survived.
Many people have exited my life. Some of their own accord, most of mine because I chose my peace over the comfort of others and got good at making that choice.
I've learned a lot in that time and no lesson more than how to give yourself the closure others won't and how not to bleed unless I choose it. Morgan, a friend I thought I would always have, is on an app list that I'm using to remind myself to text him every so often. I wouldn't remember otherwise because he's not a part of my everyday life anymore.
That was just as much his choice as mine.
James wrote me a note and I am pondering whether I want to accept the invitation it contains. Rebecca wrote me a letter and I ended up in the same place.
I'm just as kind, but much more unrelenting. Unforgiving. Intolerant of fault. Namely because I choose not to bleed. I will still find a way to laugh, but I struggle to find ways to cry. I've not been able to name pain in a very long time. We sit together, but often have nothing to say. I miss being able to shed tears about what I feel at times, but I've settled for yogurt instead.
I'm still into anime, MMOs, music, and writing. In fact, I have a separate blog for that. I'm still compassionate even if a bit desensitized. I like ice cream.
And chocolate chip cookies.
And hugs.
I long for adventure. Not to find myself, but because I already have.
Hello. It's me.
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