it's amazing to me....

You know, for most of my adult life, I've been teased about being seemingly perfect because of the things I don't freak out about. I try to be understanding and open. Sensitive to other people's feelings. I try to think about others first. I give when I can because I know what it is like not to have. I hug people when they need hugs. I stay up late talking to my friends about their issues and try to offer whatever I can to help them through each one. When people get mad or sad or otherwise upset, I try to understand that we are humans with deep running emotions that sometimes overwhelm us and I try not to become mad in return since people should have the right to feel what they feel without having to be judged or have someone get angry at them. I take the time to understand and explain my feelings because I know how hard it is for people to understand and help me unless I tell them what is going on. I also know that, unless I explain, it is easy for me to be misunderstood and I don't want people to think things about my actions that aren't true if they are truly trying to understand me...

Why? Because I've been through all of that before and being left alone because someone couldn't handle your emotions or anger or didn't want to hold you when you needed it most or acted selfishly or whatever is a hard road to walk for your whole life...

Through these things, I've learned mercy and compassion, so I try to be every bit of that I can to everyone around me.

However, it's not enough. I need to be angry and hateful and fucked up like everyone else I guess. There's enough darkness in the world, so I want to at least be a small bit of light, but no. You all seem to want me to be dark and evil just like the rest of the world although I read ad after ad, email after email, hear song after song, watch show after show on TV and listen to one person after another tell me about how much they wish for there to be that someone special and different from the rest of the world they experience.

"Someone that understands me..." "Someone that is patient with me...." "Someone that doesn't judge me..."

In the end, it seems that you just like the idea of that because when it shows up in your life, you hate it.

All of you are liars. Every one of you.