Hell, didn't know how I was feeling at that moment. Too much data coming in at once. Most of centered around what happens after this? What happens to me after this?
I mean, that's people. They get what they want out of you and they move on to the next stimulation.
Stimulation. I'm sure this was taking longer than it should. On one hand, why even bother. On the other why not. Then you wait for me. Why? You could have gotten the desired result much much faster out of the next one on the list. I'd be stupid to think otherwise. Other people would be more than willing to do what I'm so stubborn about.
I don't want to give myself like this. I want to give myself like this. I know what it means if I give myself like this at this time on this level...
....
....
.... and I'll do it anyway. I'll have more questions than answers for sure and I'll always wonder if I should have done it at all, but then again, I couldn't have picked safer hands to be in at that time. I hope you know what you have now (not that I didn't tell you).
It felt like... like i was auditioning for juliard, terrifying, like an opening flower and waking up in the morning, like being greeted by a very hyper dog, like being told your bills are due just before being told you have a massive tax return.
Beautiful... in a word.
