grrdammit: guys

Yesterday, I helped Polli with his packing party after he took his parents to the airport. In the meanwhile, I was at home working and the guys decided to throw a BBQ.

Cool. Whatever.

So I'm getting ready to meet up with Polli and everything else and James peeks in to ask if I wanted to invite anyone over. Particularly female friends. By this point, Quan was also at the door. I looked confused and they continued on to state that there were going to be too many guys at the party and Quan puts his two cents by saying that it would be nice to have some girls over now and then.

Reality Checks set in:

1. What the fuck? There are three guys that live here and Quan is not one of them. If you want to be with the ladies, do it at your house or (gasp) go where the fuckin girls are.
2. The girls are important why? This is supposed to be a party. If you wanted to just pick some girls up, go downtown and do it since they'll be at the bar anyway.
3. What's the problem with there being more guys than girls? Horny bastards.
4. Why would I invite my girlfriends here when I know there could only be one reason for you wanting them here at all?

I was beyond pissed that it even came up. I'm so tired of being second best to a vagina. It pissed me off beyond measure and yes, I can make that extrapolation because that is the one time I've ever been asked to invite someone over just because there were too many guys.

It hit way too hard. I thought about every time I've ever heard a friend say, "We should do something..." or "I'm lonely..." or anything like that, I'd offer to be there for them, and they were disappointed or refused to hang out because I'm not a girl. That's happened recently, by the way. I almost cried over that shit, it hurt so bad...

Fuck all of them. I went out with Polli and let the emotions drain away. When I came home, I went straight to my room. One less guy, right?

The next morning, since I knew I would find a mess downstairs, so I headed down and cleaned up all the party mess and dishes and everything else. I walked into two young ladies -- Alex and Kristy (sp) -- that were attendees of the party. They commented that I should have come and said hello and offered to help me clean up. I was polite and introduced myself and went on about cleaning. The guys woke up about 45 minutes later and the girls, who had gone upstairs told them that the downstairs was already clean.

Quan of course popped downstairs and passed his greetings. I didn't want to speak to the guys at all as I was still mad at their bitchassness from the night before. James came down singing and tried to hug me. I just looked at him and kept cleaning. He protested and I ignored him. Another unknown girl came downstairs. I finished the cleaning I was doing and moved upstairs to change clothes before catching breakfast with Polli at WaHo (Waffle House). James mentioned that he wanted to cook out in passing and I commented cursorily that I would be there if I had known beforehand, then walked out of the house.

When I came back, James was in the living room alone. I took a phone call and went upstairs to my room, locking the door behind me, and lay down for a while. I thought about the events of the night before, my thoughts on the guys currently in my life and how I feel about them after that and I'm almost convinced that being close friends with guys in general is going to be a bitch because I hate hate fuckin hate how they treat girls and how they throw people to the side or under the bus over one. Tired of the striving and competition that divides them. I hate how stupid they get over one or two differing body parts and so many other things I don't even want to rehash right now.

At this point, I'm trying to process it all. I could forgive this a bit more easily, but this seems to be tied to their gender which means that, invariably, it will happen again. I have contemplated moving out over this, but that seems foolish and dramatic. I think for now, excepting Rickey, I have a nice-sized list of people I will just have to keep at arm's length after I write them an apology letter from me for not being born with a vag.