washout or away or...

You know what? Overall, I am thankful for my life as it is. I enjoy it. At the same time, there is this rather large part of me that constantly feels like I'm in a state of observation and waiting for something to happen. I don't know what it is. Maybe a cleansing.

Sometimes, I look at my life and wonder what I would become if I just walked away from everything I have now, went somewhere else, and start all over again....

Left my friends...

Left my job...

Left my family...

Left my home...

Left everything I have ever known to be true about myself...

What if I started answering everything I have believed to be "yes" or "no" with "I don't know yet" and I ended up becoming a monk or a teacher or a father or...

These are the things that I think about when I see and hear other people moving around me. I don't rush to join in. Instead, I wait for the invitation. Sometimes, it comes. Most times, it doesn't. It's something I'm okay with most times, but every now and then I feel like I'm a monk on a faraway mountain. I'm close enough to hear the laughter of the townspeople and even protect them from danger, but I don't get to enjoy their lives as closely as I would like.

That is my role, though. The guardian. The seer. The strength to borrow when your own inner strength runs out.

That, and quite possibly not much more than that.