This is killing me. It was enough with all the money stuff and now I have Brandon coming my house everyday. I don't know how to handle it.
It was dropped so easily (in a sense) then add God, time and thought to the equation and "I really missed you..." and here we are.
... at least I want to say it works that way, but I'm still hurt. I went out of my way to let him go and remember what I had before he left. It was difficult and sweet and it lasted for eight years.
After I decided to let him go and had done so for months without one phone call or text, he just walks into my front door and starts talking like what happened wasn't that serious.
Worst of all, my faith demands me to forgive this. This is where I struggle. How am I supposed to do this? It wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't completely let go and accepted that he was gone...
... but I did.
I believed him when he said that it was for God's best in his life that he let our friendship go. I accepted that I would not see him again.
However, here he is in front of me and as I'm thinking of all of the things I want to say to him in my flood of emotion, I hear: "If your brother sins against you, rebuke him. If he repents, forgive him."
You have no idea how much it hurts that God wants this out of me. This is the way God expects me to behave to ppl that hurt me. I want to cry or whine or anything that feel this overflowing sadness...
Forgiving someone and letting them back in your life are two different things. But you know this. We are commanded to forgive, but I don't think we are commanded to voluntarily forget what has happened and to prop that emotional door back open. No sir. No way. The end.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm seeing even less of him now. He blew us off to come see you. I feel as though he doesn't need me anymore. I suppose I should talk to him about it but I probably won't.
ReplyDelete@Anna: Yes and no. You have no idea how much I want to say that and I almost did, but this whole "forgiveness" thing is a lot deeper than I want to be and that, for me, would be hardness of heart. I want to be open and ask what God would have me do. For now, the answer is "let it be". I don't know what will come of it after that, but for now, it is what it is.
ReplyDelete@Rebecca: my suggestion is that, if this relationship is important to you, that you find the time and courage to talk this out. You should know better than most that the most damaging thing to say in a relationship is nothing.