It never gets easier for me to deal with things like this. The fact is, my guy friends and girls will always make me nervous. It will never be comfortable for me. I have been more open to this sort of thing at one point, but I think that openness and calm is pretty much a dead thing now and that because.... well, things like this never go well. Not for me, anyway. I could rehash the whole thing as if it were happening in front of me right now because that's how vivid the memory is, but I don't because I'm not one to ruin the potential happiness of someone else and I won't because I'm sure the people involved feel badly enough that those things ever happened to begin with and that should be enough.
It's just that, at those moments, I would rather be elsewhere than be hurt in that particular way. Even if I am a superhero to some, every one of them has pain thresholds and limits to what they can bear. It's something that, after a few rough experiences with it, I've chosen to walk away from and avoid.
I want to say I'm sorry for feeling that way and reacting as I do, but it makes too much good sense to apologize for walking away when unspeakable pain is my only other option.
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