Ugh...

I really do try to see the more positive things, but this cloudy Friday morning, I don't right now.

I have a roommate that has been excessively hard to deal with for everyone around him and this will continue to progress. It is making the ability to forgive nearly impossible. I already have a specific something to say today if he pushes even the smallest of my buttons. Mostly because I simply don't have the strength anymore.

On top of that, I now have to deal with someone being afraid of me as a concept. Neverminding the details or the person, the fact is that something was shared with me for the briefest of moments and then surrounded by a mile-high, 42-feet-thick adamantium barrier. The hard part here is that everything else should be left intact and not affected in spite of the obvious block in this respect. "Be here, and here, and here, but not here." "Be close, but not that close." It makes the air I breathe bitter and I don't like it. It saps my energy. In short, this hurts. I can endure the pain, sure, but let it be clear: the pain is there and very real. I am unable to do anything about it and the only one who can runs from me. I don't know what to do or feel or think and I suppose following that very thing, I feel entirely numb on the inside right now.

I don't want this.