I find myself a muddle of differing thoughts that I don't feel the need to edit.
I think about you, time and time again, asking me for my heart. I ponder this request going back and forth between anger, outright confusion, and hope. Then you disappear. "You don't text me. You don't call me. We don't really hang out. Why not?" We don't make the effort. That's why. "But I want to."
I hug you and we reset our attempt to be reconciled. However, I still refuse to make this easy for you although I have been willing to make it easier in general. It's been nice and it's not impossible, there's just work to be done; I can't just give this to you.
That reminds me of another person that, thanks to some conversations, I realize is in the same city as me and has not visited. I'll leave that casket closed.
And then there's this one person I continue to argue with daily. Daily. Recently, I just respond, without a single moments hesitation, with all appropriate hostility because I'm weary of being guilt-tripped by someone that believes themselves to be intellectually superior to every person on the planet. It's tiring and I'm over it.
My work days are ridiculous. They are rarely slow and that is what is unfortunate about them. I am up to see bits of the waking of the world, then I spend the day talking to people about software. After hours of this, the world begins to rest and I go home.
As I spend my day, I think of building, drawing, travelling, and creating and I wonder where I will be able to make time to do any of it. Then I smile and remember my 3 year promise to myself.
I find myself still unable to create the quiet I need. I'll simply have to work this out somehow. I'm thinking that I want to start waking up earlier in my day so I have time to think and reflect and enjoy quiet and read. Actually, I'm mostly looking forward to reading, truth be known.
I think about you, time and time again, asking me for my heart. I ponder this request going back and forth between anger, outright confusion, and hope. Then you disappear. "You don't text me. You don't call me. We don't really hang out. Why not?" We don't make the effort. That's why. "But I want to."
I hug you and we reset our attempt to be reconciled. However, I still refuse to make this easy for you although I have been willing to make it easier in general. It's been nice and it's not impossible, there's just work to be done; I can't just give this to you.
That reminds me of another person that, thanks to some conversations, I realize is in the same city as me and has not visited. I'll leave that casket closed.
And then there's this one person I continue to argue with daily. Daily. Recently, I just respond, without a single moments hesitation, with all appropriate hostility because I'm weary of being guilt-tripped by someone that believes themselves to be intellectually superior to every person on the planet. It's tiring and I'm over it.
My work days are ridiculous. They are rarely slow and that is what is unfortunate about them. I am up to see bits of the waking of the world, then I spend the day talking to people about software. After hours of this, the world begins to rest and I go home.
As I spend my day, I think of building, drawing, travelling, and creating and I wonder where I will be able to make time to do any of it. Then I smile and remember my 3 year promise to myself.
I find myself still unable to create the quiet I need. I'll simply have to work this out somehow. I'm thinking that I want to start waking up earlier in my day so I have time to think and reflect and enjoy quiet and read. Actually, I'm mostly looking forward to reading, truth be known.
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