the world between awake and asleep

Well, I finally watched all of the .hack//sign series. It was interesting on an intellectual level, but if you aren't into brain-ime, then just skip it. You'll fall asleep.

Shortly after getting through disc 5 of 6, I tried to sleep only to find myself constantly disturbed by nightmares. I wish I had had paper to record it all, but it's gone now because of the time between the first start and now. I know how many there were -- three.

My sleep is so hard to come by and when I do, I can't rest because of nightmares about everything. I know Dani was in one and Morgan was in one. I'm sure I died once. I know that, in each one, I lost something or someone important and in one of them I died.

This is troubling; dreams have been my way of seeing what the waking world won't allow me to see and from what I can see, things are getting worse.

I've been left to think about a lot of things and most of those things don't end well when they end. Here's a thought:

We've given up and that needs to be accepted and dealt with. If we haven't, then what are we doing?

This and other thoughts continue to plague me. Each day is more troubling than the last. This cabin is a safety from that, but I only have a short while here before I'm home again...