...and that is always going to be true. On the other hand, I understand how much it can bother a person to want someone to talk/write/email/text and not receive anything, all the while battling the most ferocious of dark thoughts about what they could be thinking about you because of the silence. Our minds fill in the blanks that with our insecurities because we don't feel safe in the developing relationship or ourselves...
I get this. However, as I've already said, I can control no one. So I open my hands and I let these things go.
Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I hear wind around me -- it is as if I can hear the flow of life itself. Sometimes it is a place of peace, but at other times, it is a very... disheartening. As I listen, I realize things. One of them being that I am standing at a single point in time and life is flowing as quick around me as a wind current and that, in that wind, I am completely stationary.
The sad thing is that, most of the time, I don't care about that whatsoever. I feel complete apathy about the fact that life is moving faster than I can keep up. Completely.
The last few days have been hard because I've held back a ton of emotions. Unexpressed, I'm sure this will kill me, so I'll go build that coffin now.
You know, it's like I spend all of my time in a watchtower. I can see and hear everything around me so clearly, but at the same time, I am seen and heard by nearly no one. My thoughts and feelings are generally hidden from the world. Even when I attempt to speak, I am not heard. It is not that I speak a foreign language, but that I speak with a foreign heart...
...I get a headache...
I guess I'll go back to the pillow and wait.
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