what friendship means....

Today, on FB, I wrote something:

Friendship does *NOT* mean that you can manipulate my emotions or control me. Does not mean that I won't make you mad. Does not mean I won't hurt your feelings here and there. It means I walk the road with you and that I love you the best I know how with actions and not just words and if you cannot see or appreciate that, then you may need to evaluate your concept of friendship.

Levone and I were texting today. As usual, I greeted him and he responded with some odd comment or other about me not calling him on the phone. I simply swallowed my objections and called. Some time later, he called back, but I was on the phone with a friend who was telling me that his grandmother died. After ending that phone call, I took a moment to collect my thoughts, then returned the missed phone call.

We talked for hours about his day, my day, my current location, my website, his job, his mom, his drinking that weekend, a trip to the beach, his myspace account. He said he was deleting friends. He deleted them. I had my thoughts and kept them to myself. He comment on this and that -- "How do I get rid of people forever?" -- but I kept the thoughts on that to myself as well. I chuckled at some things he said. Kept talking.

When we finally did hang up, he said "Good night and goodbye." I suggested before that statement that he be more direct with people about how he feels about them, but this is how he is. He doesn't feel that he needs to say anything. People should just "get it", but they don't. They are imperfect and some don't always take hints. I'm sure I've done things that bothered him, but he won't bother to mention them in a direct way so we can resolve the issue; he'd rather just be mad at me (or whatever other nondescript feeling he feels). For example, "Hey check your [insert social network here]." "What about it?" "You notice anything?" "No." "Am I on your friends list...?" "Oh. What about it?"

What would I say that? Because, in the end, I don't care. If he calls, if he doesn't call, text or doesn't text, I don't care.

As I tried to explain to another friend later:

It is because I cared, that I do not care.

As with so many other things and people, my friendship is extended in seed form. If you don't nurture the seed I have given you, I will not give you more seed. That said, returned or not, I have extended friendship. I may have lost the smallest of things in being your friend, but if you knew the quality of the friendship I give, you will know that your loss is far greater.