some things just end

So I was talking to Charlene for a bit as I mentioned in my first date. We talked today and she told me something she found it hard to say.

I was just thinking about our interest in moving our friendship further to a relationship and whether or not that was a good idea or even if it was what I wanted. It carries with it the huge risk of losing a great friend and changing things forever. And I'm not that worried about things changing, but I don't want to make a decision that is not thought through properly or possibly made for the wrong reasons.

This is true. I don't think any part of a relationship should be forced in any way and I told her so. She continued:

I don't think we have the chemistry necessary to forge a romantic relationship, but I wanted to give it a try AND even in the face of feeling like it wasn’t really what I wanted, I didn’t want to hurt you. I wanted to MAKE it work. But as I was trying to force it, I realized that letting that time pass was only going to make it harder and that you might even feel lead on if I didn’t speak now.

After that, I told her how I felt. I would have liked a relationship and I can easily imagine all of the warm fuzzies that go with such things, but I would rather her be honest with how she feels. I can always deal; if not this one, then the next. Does it make me sad? Well, yeah, it does make me a little sad, but more than that, I am glad that I had the chance to go on a date and treat someone to an evening they enjoyed.

To go out with someone who knew me so well and took the time for the details was very very nice.

Other than that, I had fun on a semi-romantic level for the first time in four years. A welcome experience in a lot of ways. I had a lot of fun and dating doesn't seem so scary AND I got to be with an awesome person that is courageous and selfless enough to tell me how they feel. Here's some of my thoughts from FB:

I don't think I am meant for romantic relationships, but I am thankful that I did get to have that moment of fun. Best thing that happened to me 2010 hands down. Some beauty is meant to be enjoyed, but not held and I love you regardless. I still have a present for you, btw.

That's true. Sometimes, all you can do is watch the flower blooming and admire. Sometimes you can watch the apple blossoms bloom and keep moving. Some beauty is just not meant to be owned.

I'll be jealous of the guy that gets her. Hopefully he will be as attentive as I am and have epic chemistry with her and will be everything she could want and more. In the meantime, our friendship remains intact and maybe I'll get to send her some flowers, just for the hell of it, in a week or two. Until then, I suppose I'm on the market :D