After this, I started asking questions and making comments which of course generated dialog. Since I know it has to be tired reading things from bottom to top, I'm going to make this easy for you.
The conversation got long. It spanned several minutes worth of conversation which you can check out on my timeline. Things were okay going back and forth about the issue. I even shared some of her comments with other people because she had a lot of good points and interesting considerations about this thing and that. Some we agreed on, others I didn't agree on and some I was entirely unclear about.
After that, came this comment:
What about me would say any of that? My response, after processing the shock was:
The only comment I made was that I was able to understand what she was talking to me about in a conversation. Not her life or experiences or any of that. Just the concepts we were speaking about which she stated I was not taking in from her point of view.
As for Jacbar, I've not known her long, so I think it's safe to say that our relationship is in a formative stage and as such, it is... fragile in a lot of ways. We're still getting to know each other and I get that there are the occasional misgivings, but seriously. "Hey, don't act like you know me when you really don't" (more or less) for simply stating, "Hey, that thing you wrote, see I get it..."? Seriously?
Even worse was the fact that it was essentially a statement about my character -- that I'm a know-it-all, etc. That hurt a lot:
Yes, the response was one that indicated a great deal of hurt because I was like "oh she's cool and friendly" and then all of these barbs come out and those hurt. Haven't heard much since then. Maybe she's busy with work.
Does she care? No, probably not. She was stating her opinions based on her life experience. Who cares how I feel about it? She was calling it as she saw as far as the other statement goes? So what if I have a problem with it. It's what she sees and if I can't handle that, then so what?
That's the world for you.
You know, it takes a great deal of bravery to ask questions and make comments and generally engage yourself with another person and 9 times out of 10 with new people. Essentially asking a question about any strong opinion on the matter ends up with me having my feelings hurt or being told to essentially "fuck off" or both and most times the party who is not me in that scenario does not care how I feel about the matter or the way certain things are presented one way or another.
It's moments like this that I think about what would happen if I never did speak to certain people. You know what? If I stopped talking to Jacbar from this day on:
- she would be happy
- she would be employed
- she and Polli would still talk and be friends
- she might disappear from my TL, but that has no real value
- she'd be deleted from my phone, but that has no real value either
- she would continue to have the same opinions just as strongly
- she would not lose one wink of sleep over however I feel about the situation
Summarily she would be fine and has no reason to be upset, because I guess I'm some random dude she would have no reason to really be deeply concerned about or with.
Meanwhile, while I'm emotional about this, I have to remember that I have people that love me and that I love that see my character for what it is, as it is, and call me out on bullshit. If none of these people are saying bad stuff, then fuck everyone else.
Eventually, I'll be fine, too.
[edit]
I'm thankful for this, but on the whole, I'm still pondering and severely what the hell to do. Tough skin is still hard for me to make. Not as hard, but it presents a challenge...
Maybe I need to just stop giving a fuck, be an ass for a few years, and see where that gets me. It's going to make certain figures in my life make a return visit...
At least she's not hating me somewhere.
[edit 2]
Still trying not to be emotional, but it's getting easier now as things like this come in. I still think I'll be a bit more... guarded for now.
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