This Week

This week has been a bit of a strain. There were some relieving moments, but most of my week was just very trying. It wasn't anything particularly big, but the small things really do get to you after a while and trying to manage that and be Christlike was... fraught with difficulty let's say.

Let's revisit some things that I wrote on Monday.

As I had mentioned, that was a stressful day and most of the days after that week were spent trying to resolve issues from that day. If you read, about 3/4 (or 75% if you prefer) is about this problem with Polli communicating with me about things related to work.

We talked about this a bit when he got here the following day at 3 in the afternoon. Now, about that: he was supposed to have gotten in that morning, but because of some other things he didn't tell me about, that was severely delayed. Since I was rather clueless about it, I sent him a message and he explained the events of his morning. My initial reaction was, "Why didn't you just tell me this in the first place?"

This will be a continued theme throughout the week.

I explained that, as we work together, two things need to be clear:

1. I'm not just his friend. I'm also a person that has projects, clients and deadlines that he works with and for. However he sees things, these relationships have to have some kind of separation. The things that I allow or ignore as a friend cannot be allowed or ignored as a manager.
2. Talking is not optional. If there is something wrong, something missing, something he needs help with, an emergency or crisis or any other change to a predetermined plan we have, he must let me know as soon as that happens. Communication makes or breaks companies and relationships and I'm not a fan of things being unnecessarily broken.

With respect to number one, I fear that this is going to take some work. If we stumble through and get it right, then we'll be fine. If not, both relationships could be lost.

In the process of him being at the house and working through his project, Cedric came over. We hung out and I helped him with web homework. Brandon came over as we were to practice sheet music. While all of this was going on, Polli worked with AB and in the meantime, AB sent me comments on his thoughts with Polli's progress. I didn't get to practice with Brandon, so we rescheduled.

During all of this, Polli needed help, but didn't mention anything to me, so again, I went to him to ask him if he needed help. He did.

"Why didn't you say anything?"
"You were busy with other things over there."
"I don't have a commitment to develop them; they don't work for me. You do."
"..."

I don't understand why it is so hard for him to simply tap me on the shoulder and say, "I need your help" or "I need help with ___". Mind you: no, I'm not going to help him with things that are easy to find on a google search, but if he really needs my expertise on something, he should already know by now, considering how I treat him as a friend, that if he needs me for anything and I can give it, it's given without a second thought.

This is troublesome.

It happened again yesterday. Same situation. "___ is due by 5pm." "Okay."

*notices a message at 5:02pm*

The message says he's not going to have the item in by five, but pretty soon. Again, something came up that he had to take care of, but because of that thing, he was going to have an item in late. This was a minor thing, so no I'm not going to blow up over that, but I have a massive problem with, again, not being told when he knew about it. If he knew he had to do this thing earlier or even as he was getting in the car, a short, two-sentence message would have helped. "Hey, stuff is going on and it's really important. I may not have the item in by 5pm." I would have been like, "Sigh, okay, but be more careful about your deadlines in the future." and that would have been that.

Do I strike fear into this man such that he's afraid of speaking to me about anything that has the slightest possibility of negative backlash? If so, we're going to have to uproot that problem now before it grows worse. This will not go well if we don't. Not at all.

In any case, he explained. He did the tasks he was given and got them in maybe an hour or two later. That's fine for now. This not communicating thing, though...

It takes time and work. I think we'll be okay, but it just has to be fixed. That's all I can really say right now.


As to the contracts, we finally got them worked out, but it was a pain in the rear to do it and we simply have to get this license or I'm going to blow something up.


I finally have the company website done... sort of. I need some ideas on the design. The one favor I called it (from my graphics design friend) says I should make things smaller and less spaced out. You can use the comment form here to leave your thoughts. Try to be constructive since I can't take, "Um... it looks okayish" and turn that into a design concept.


Onward to relationship things. This week with Brandon has been interesting. It's been a exercise of faith on many levels, but it's not been a bad thing. I'm confused and my emotions are in a bit of disarray around him, for a few reasons I've mentioned before. That said, we're practicing music together. I don't know what to allow or whatnot, so I guess I'll take it one step at a time. I'll probably be more guarded than even I would like. Probably more distant, too. I need that for now.


On a more amusing note, my roommate is trying to kill me. I'll post my pure thoughts from the event:

Rickey: "You can come if you want.."

Me: "Well, okay, sure.."

Rickey thinks, "I have him now..."

*arrives at gym*

Me:"Well, okay..."

Rickey: "Actually, Quis, I have a couple of things I want you to work on right quick. Just promise
me something...."

Me: "Hm?"

Rickey: "Don't give up. It's hard, but keep going."

Me: "Um.. ok..."


[Insert an exercise circuit: 15 pushups, 15 underhand chinups, a sprint, 15 "burpees", 15 "bicycles" [modified mountain climbers], 15 jumps onto a 1.5ft high platform, 15 catch and throws of a weighted ball (which I got hit with the first time since Rickey didn't tell me he was throwing it)]


Agonizing minutes later, I go to the water fountain. Normally, this exercise set wouldn't have bothered me with a 30-second break between each exercise. Rickey, however, didn't see any need for breaks, nor did he seem to think that treating me differently from people that had been training at this for months was necessary. As such, I experience a severe heading which, quite literally, caused me momentary blindness. Thanks to other exercises to develop head sensitivity, I was able to dodge the gym equipment I would have otherwise run into not being able to see properly.

Rickey: "If you blackout or anything, it's fine. I promise, it's a good thing to be lightheaded or have a headache or anything like that. It's just that your brain is lacking some oxygen. That's all. It's just your body getting used to things. It's fine, I promise. THIS IS A GOOD THING, MARQUIS."

I think, "If it were, you wouldn't be shouting it. Why are you shouting anyway? I can't hear you over the excruciating pain in my head. Now I know what migraines feel like."

Rickey continues, "..at least you finished. It's a mind thing really, if you have the mindset to just keep working and your body shuts down on you, nothing you can do there, bud..."

I think, "Try explaining that at whatever hospital I end up in..."

Me: "...."

Rickey: "Well, that's all I have for today unless you wanna get on the rowing or elliptical
machine..."

Me: "...um.. ok. Since we're here...."

Rickey thinks, "GOT HIM AGAIN!!!"

Rickey: "..but if you get on, you need to stay there for like 30 minutes..."

Me thinks, "WHAT THE...."

Me: *pulls out headphones* "Okay, I'll give it a try..."

*gets on machine*

Me: "This man either hates me or is seeing something I am clearly not. WHY ON EARTH DOES HE THINK I AM CAPABLE OF THIS STUFF?! WTH?!"

I finish 33 minutes later, thanks to my kpop dance list and I go home where, my legs don't feel even remotely sore and I then have to climb stairs to get to my room. I post about everything on FB and prepare to pass into sleep and then soreness.

The soreness doesn't come up, but I do have a mild burn in my arms every time I move my arms for more than a few moments. It's not pain, though. I'm ok.


I found a new song I like, a new dance to learn, and a new book to read and rate. I've also been drawing more in my sketch book. I'll talk about a random thing and illustrate it. So far, the results of that are both fun and entertaining. I'll write more about that in a future entry. Maybe the next one, actually.


I miss Reza. He's been calling a lot, but it's always when I'm at work or something. We have to work stuff out about that. Other than that, I'm trying to write more regularly and not do stupid things so often.


One of the guys got me back for the money I let them borrow last month, so I have a little bit now. Not much, but it's nice to have.


I think I'm going to do something spontaneous. Maybe catch the next bus out and get a coffee downtown. I need to do something or move or whatnot. Actually, I just want to leave my house. Being here alone on weekends is tedious.

The roommates took some trip to NC. I didn't know anything about it until yesterday and, yeah, it made me sad a bit. I'm off on weekends and that's a well-known thing, but no one even thought to ask if I would want to go. It's to a Bhuddist temple, too. How often do you get a chance to do that?

Oh well, I suppose I need to not be as bothered and definitely not expect so much.


Remember the guy from this entry? After all of the conversation about talking more or inviting him to do things, he broke plans without explanation the following day and then when I try to reschedule, there's no response until yesterday? Ugh. #cmonson