I'm cleaning up a bit today and I'm thinking about my upcoming week.
I don't have money for rent. My family is asking for more money than I can give. I'm lethargic. My soul is tired. I went to bed last night because being awake was too hard. I missed church today because I couldn't see a reason to get out of bed until 930. I walked downstairs with my brain on auto and continued to think.
I need a new computer. I want to delete everything and start over. Especially Facebook. Maybe my IM names. I want to burn bridges without a thought to the consequences.
In the middle of that, as I washed my hands in the bathroom sink, I said:
God, I'm thankful that, in You and the things You provide, my emotional, mental, physical and spiritual needs are met for myself and everyone else in my house.
I want you to know that took faith I don't always know I have. Somehow, this week will turn out okay. My pain will be made right, calculated and given back to me as some blessing I can share with someone else. That is the truth and how I feel doesn't change that fact. I don't feel better, but I will be.
I'm also thankful for the fact that God puts really big, thorny hedges in our way when we're going the wrong way.
Somehow, I'll keep digging in and finding a way not to give up today... I have to.
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