Polli came by the other day to remind me that I'm not alone and try to curb the drift I've been experiencing. He could probably speak volumes about it now. When he came, I was upstairs talking to Stefan for a bit and using the bathroom (no, not simultaneously).
When he came in, I took forever as I had disrobed from work and he busied himself downstairs while I took forever to get downstairs.
I talked to him about a few work items and then we got around to me. He had known that things weren't necessarily well and asked me about that when he felt appropriate so I talked to him about the concept of drift. He almost came over last night, but I declined and went to sleep, so I figured I owed him a talk.
The concept of drift is a common one and I explained it in detail to a friend today. Here's the idea:
At some point, as you look at your life or people or situations, you realize that certain things are in a static state or simply progressing in a way that you may/may not wish to go. When that realization occurs, there is a choice that has to be made to "stay" or "leave". Most people make this choice subconsciously. When the choice is made to "leave", drift occurs. Mostly because things/people either cannot, or will not, keep up with you when you turn.
That said, I've taken a look at the relationships around me. A lot of people are caught up in the details of their own lives. I notice this, much like everything else. Upcoming bills, budding relationships, etc. OF course, this leaves me sensitive to things like the decrease of "hey, let's do stuff as a group" (although I seem to be amazing and finding things out by accident or after the fact). Growing irritation at people's inability to notice the world around them while they're lost in girls and youtube videos and facebook.
Have I mentioned this before? Yes. More than once. "Hey, we should hang out..." "Hey, I wish you had invited me to _____. I could have gone if I had known..." "Would you like to ____? (only to have it forgotten about hours later)"
It's not even that as much as it bothers me because I see the cohesiveness only a few feet away. I'm simply not a part of it. I see the "hey, let's go to the club" with me standing in plain view and off they go without another word on the subject. It's just tiring because I end up feeling alone, but there are so many people around. I'm a person that wants the outside to match the inside. If I'm alone, then I want to be alone. It's not so bad when the house is empty because I'm truly alone. On the other hand, to feel alone when I have two roommates, and people popping by and coming in and out of the house, and all this social media, too is more than I can take sometimes.
So, after a lot of being upset or frustrated over feeling slighted, I've decided to take action; I just stay to myself and involve myself with no one. Last friday, I was asked "is something wrong" a lot. It's funny that they're noticing now, but it's been wrong for a while. It's just the first time they've looked long enough to even see... and that took seconds. They offered me a ride to see my roommate's fight. I said no and took the bus later. After my roommate's fight (which I went to watch anyway), I walked back home without a word to anyone about where I was going. When I got home, someone noticed I had left the group and asked where I was. I replied and went on with my night.
The thing Polli notes here, and probably even more well than I fully realize, is that most of my relationships are on very thin strings and I've seemed to cut three already. The sad thing here is that, just because of the course and tone of this year, it is a lot easier for me to cut myself out of relationships and not care about the impact of that decision. Six months ago, I wouldn't have been able to sleep over this. Such is the power of drift.
When he came in, I took forever as I had disrobed from work and he busied himself downstairs while I took forever to get downstairs.
I talked to him about a few work items and then we got around to me. He had known that things weren't necessarily well and asked me about that when he felt appropriate so I talked to him about the concept of drift. He almost came over last night, but I declined and went to sleep, so I figured I owed him a talk.
The concept of drift is a common one and I explained it in detail to a friend today. Here's the idea:
At some point, as you look at your life or people or situations, you realize that certain things are in a static state or simply progressing in a way that you may/may not wish to go. When that realization occurs, there is a choice that has to be made to "stay" or "leave". Most people make this choice subconsciously. When the choice is made to "leave", drift occurs. Mostly because things/people either cannot, or will not, keep up with you when you turn.
That said, I've taken a look at the relationships around me. A lot of people are caught up in the details of their own lives. I notice this, much like everything else. Upcoming bills, budding relationships, etc. OF course, this leaves me sensitive to things like the decrease of "hey, let's do stuff as a group" (although I seem to be amazing and finding things out by accident or after the fact). Growing irritation at people's inability to notice the world around them while they're lost in girls and youtube videos and facebook.
Have I mentioned this before? Yes. More than once. "Hey, we should hang out..." "Hey, I wish you had invited me to _____. I could have gone if I had known..." "Would you like to ____? (only to have it forgotten about hours later)"
It's not even that as much as it bothers me because I see the cohesiveness only a few feet away. I'm simply not a part of it. I see the "hey, let's go to the club" with me standing in plain view and off they go without another word on the subject. It's just tiring because I end up feeling alone, but there are so many people around. I'm a person that wants the outside to match the inside. If I'm alone, then I want to be alone. It's not so bad when the house is empty because I'm truly alone. On the other hand, to feel alone when I have two roommates, and people popping by and coming in and out of the house, and all this social media, too is more than I can take sometimes.
So, after a lot of being upset or frustrated over feeling slighted, I've decided to take action; I just stay to myself and involve myself with no one. Last friday, I was asked "is something wrong" a lot. It's funny that they're noticing now, but it's been wrong for a while. It's just the first time they've looked long enough to even see... and that took seconds. They offered me a ride to see my roommate's fight. I said no and took the bus later. After my roommate's fight (which I went to watch anyway), I walked back home without a word to anyone about where I was going. When I got home, someone noticed I had left the group and asked where I was. I replied and went on with my night.
The thing Polli notes here, and probably even more well than I fully realize, is that most of my relationships are on very thin strings and I've seemed to cut three already. The sad thing here is that, just because of the course and tone of this year, it is a lot easier for me to cut myself out of relationships and not care about the impact of that decision. Six months ago, I wouldn't have been able to sleep over this. Such is the power of drift.
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