Open the Floodgates

This week has been a very interesting week. For most of it, my roommate has been absent due to a death in the family. In the meantime, I've been home, keeping things tidy and minimizing. Had a friend visit here and there. Most days were quiet. I would go to work, come home, and enjoy online time with friends until evening, sleep, go to work repeat.

I think that kind of simplicity is nice to have.

I thought about books I wasn't reading, exercises I wasn't doing. I need to do them, but I'm not freaking out about it. I looked in the mirror and I liked the way I looked one day.

The big thing this week is a developing relationship with one of Rickey's friends. I spoke to him once, then not again for a long while. This week, it's been an almost every day thing and those conversations are full of wonderful questions. I want to take out a section of our chat to talk about a topic.

Marquis, I don't think you are... But I have to ask, are you gay? Or have you ever been? I don't want to offend you in any way, it's just that you're very comfortable... If that makes any sense. And you're a sweety lol. I hope me asking won't have a negative effect. 

I already knew the answer before I asked. Idk what I mean by comfortable.. I mean... Usually guys are competitive and even slightly aggressive with each other, even if it's just subconscious. I'm not sure if I'm making sense or not =/

You know, I think this paragraph is just like something Beth said once. She said it this way:

My personal opinion is that you are probably in the same boat as I am -- not really gay, but not really anything else. I have done a lot of research on "gender queer," "bisexuality," and a whole bunch of other boxes that I seem to fit in pretty well....and yet not quite enough to accept it. I think you are "gay" in that you aren't going to find a straight female who will date you. If you want to know why, it's not because of anything other than insecurities. You are much too talented, too beautiful, too sensitive, and too perfect in any way for any girl to date you without being in denial that you very well could be gay.

I answered "no", by the way. I think he sees something that a lot of people can't put into words. I'm too "sweet" to be a guy. No man should be that kind or thoughtful or anything. Not even being sarcastic, it's just how people think sometimes.

He wrote me "Thank you for being you!" later. He's also married with a son and a good guy. I think he'll be a good friend. How do I know? He wants to visit soon and make our friendship an IRL thing.

It's all divine appointment if you ask me. Then again, I think most of my life is.

I've been making a lot more art lately. Mostly because I've been imagining and making those things real more often via photoshop. My most recent venture is minimal people. You've probably seen this before:

It's things like this that make me happy. I've made like 10 of these. It started with me trying to imagine what I would look like if I were a furry, then making it into art. I've had the concept on paper for a while, but hadn't translated it to another medium.

I finally did. Here it is:

It's a lion in a ninja costume. This is where things get interesting. I mean, it's a lion. A group of lions is called a pride. What animal, known by that name in a group, known as kings of the jungle would be in a ninja costume? Ninjas aren't the example of pride. They hide in shadows and remain unseen. They blend. They don't do groups. They don't stand out. This picture means a lot more than even I thought and the funny thing is I didn't think this much about it. It's entirely subconscious. Our imaginations say a lot more about us than we realize. 

This picture is an animal in conflict with its own being.

Here I thought it would just be a cool character to have.

Outside of that, I'm still talking to the staff at the starbucks and they're pretty awesome. Hilarious. Jami still wants to go on the photo adventure. It should be awesome.

Just a few thoughts here.