Similar words were said to me back then and so they remain true now. How strange indeed.
To have so much love toward a person yet also so much inward tension. To feel that you have to fight for their respect. I don't quite know how to describe it, but it's coming to me bit by bit. Oddly, it's like, I want to be seen as powerful enough to instantly command that respect, then never exert that power. Ever. To possess is enough. To be respected -- in that particular way -- is plenty.
Just thinking through all of these thoughts is tightening my chest muscles. How do I proceed? Should I just skip it? Ignore it? Dismiss it as a childish and immature desire? Maybe, but it is primal and in that, so connected to my very existence that ignoring would be like ignoring an oncoming train as I lay on the track.
I've not wanted respect from anyone, of that particular strain, as much as I want that from you. That says a lot, yet for all people reading, it says nothing at all and that is fine. I suppose it would be enough to know that you respected me in that particular way, but I honestly don't know and that not knowing is what drives me now.
To have so much love toward a person yet also so much inward tension. To feel that you have to fight for their respect. I don't quite know how to describe it, but it's coming to me bit by bit. Oddly, it's like, I want to be seen as powerful enough to instantly command that respect, then never exert that power. Ever. To possess is enough. To be respected -- in that particular way -- is plenty.
Just thinking through all of these thoughts is tightening my chest muscles. How do I proceed? Should I just skip it? Ignore it? Dismiss it as a childish and immature desire? Maybe, but it is primal and in that, so connected to my very existence that ignoring would be like ignoring an oncoming train as I lay on the track.
I've not wanted respect from anyone, of that particular strain, as much as I want that from you. That says a lot, yet for all people reading, it says nothing at all and that is fine. I suppose it would be enough to know that you respected me in that particular way, but I honestly don't know and that not knowing is what drives me now.
No comments:
Post a Comment