Omoi

Sometimes, my thoughts just settle on me and stifle any form of expression. I can only see the now and a short while into the future.


I feel numbness starting to settle in. I wish someone were here for me to touch or hug or anything. There's just too much running around in here and I want to be relieved of all of it for even a moment.


Unfortunately, that is my curse as a conscious being. I've chosen to be aware and once you choose that, you cannot un-choose it. Let this be a warning: to choose to see is also to choose to remember.


In the fight not to lose my heart or my soul, I fear I may very well lose my mind. I've thought about some things that may be unforgivable one day and plans are forming. I know that, once I have a path to walk, the journey is as good as complete, so if I make any steps toward completing this plan, I may disappear never to emerge again.


What do I choose? I'm still thinking it through and feeling it through and taking everyone I love into account. If love never fails, it better not fail now, because that love is my only guide home and barrier between myself and this unspeakable place.