I Think It's The Silence

I think it's the silence in my home. It prompts me to thought. Sometimes deep thought.

A silence explodes from my insides and my world is suddenly very mellowed out. I'm not excited. I'm not disheartened. I feel like I'm nowhere in particular. The only moment there is is the one I'm in. I can't think about 10 minutes from now or about tomorrow's work or even about what I want to do before I go to sleep.

I don't know what this is. It's not depression. It feels light; a relief after a long night of tower watch or a stop after a two hour rush at a coffee shop. How harried things have been. Just one experience after another and very little time to think among all of my feelings. I've been through so many. Unsettling urges and anger and happiness and laughter and sorrow and just pain. What is all of this? God only knows because He's the only one that knows everything and this journal can't even know about the half of what's happened in just the last two weeks.

For now, though, I'm mellow. Very very very mellow.