Yesterday, I was talking when this entry and it's contents came up along with this entry.
For some, this is a cause for concern; for me, it's a cause for concern on a different vein, but I have safeguards for those. They will hold up, I believe.
That said, let's define something:
In moments like these in my life, I normally seek God and solitude. A quiet place to clear out, reconnect, reform, understand. Lately, however, this is moving toward simply seeking the wild. I was talking to John about this last night; I don't even want to resist the process knowing that I don't know what the process will turn me into. Even then, I choose to submit myself to this process and follow it to the end. I don't know what that will make me. It's kind of like faith; blessed are those that do not see, yet believe. Some things, you have to see through to the end even when you don't know what the end is in full. Not saying that this is a God-inspired thing (I tend to avoid putting words in His mouth).
Being feral will mean having to deal with a lot of things about myself that I may not give expression or form to, but truth be known, I think I'll end up disappointed with what I find. Not in the darkness or the wildness, but in the softness and light. I don't have full words for it yet, but this should give you an idea.
Moving on from that for a moment, I think I'm going home early today. Let me explain why: my boss.
I really love this person and we get along for the most part except for a few specific moments. Today is one of those moments.
He had a demo today. The net was down. That is annoying I get it. The conference line phone kept ringing and that was bothersome. I get it. I turned the ringer off for him. I made him a cappuccino and gave him some sugars. I noticed his iPhone was low on charge, so I got him a charging cable. I noticed that he had missed a few calls, so I made a mental note. Someone knocked on the door, so I stepped out to figure out what was up. They were the people that called; boss man had left some things at their house and they brought it here for him. I helped get the stuff. I came back in to explain what was happening and, being aware that he was trying to maintain his demo, I attempted to write a note explaining what was going on.
He then took a moment to glance over, then shove my arm and the papers off to a side.
Normally, I'd be upset. Right now, I'm pissed. Although at any other moment before now, I may have felt differently. Not today. Today, I feel like it was clear that I am and have always tried to be helpful. I tried to keep things quiet. I tried to be respectful of the demo going on by leaving something written on paper that he could read and at his leisure when he had a moment and he simply shoved it away.
I will say nothing at the moment because he is still in the demo, however we will have to square up about this at some point today as I simply just will not deal with that when I'm clearly making an effort not to be obtrusive. He turned around at one point and micro-ranted about all of the interruptions he had to deal with, but I don't care since (1) they weren't my fault and (2) I tried to mitigate all of the ones I had any ability to control.
So I'm going to get some coffee, breathe a bit, make my thoughts known and go home. Actually, I think that would be the best way to deal with this. I really do feel like doing otherwise, but I have to keep things professional.
Finally, I'm thankful that Hime-chan reads this as regularly as she does. She's just driven to know more about me and she uses this in the way I intended it to be used. I'm thankful that she -- or anyone else -- takes the time to read this and understand me a bit better while I'm trying to understand myself and learn to live and love a bit better... among other things.
For some, this is a cause for concern; for me, it's a cause for concern on a different vein, but I have safeguards for those. They will hold up, I believe.
That said, let's define something:
A feral organism is one that has changed from being domesticated to being wild or untamed.That said, my friend and I talked about this as he said it scares him to think about these things. I've been the proverbial fountain of kind all my life. This change is a bit drastic and I've yet to explain the full cause of that to anyone including this journal and, truth be known, I probably never will.
In moments like these in my life, I normally seek God and solitude. A quiet place to clear out, reconnect, reform, understand. Lately, however, this is moving toward simply seeking the wild. I was talking to John about this last night; I don't even want to resist the process knowing that I don't know what the process will turn me into. Even then, I choose to submit myself to this process and follow it to the end. I don't know what that will make me. It's kind of like faith; blessed are those that do not see, yet believe. Some things, you have to see through to the end even when you don't know what the end is in full. Not saying that this is a God-inspired thing (I tend to avoid putting words in His mouth).
Being feral will mean having to deal with a lot of things about myself that I may not give expression or form to, but truth be known, I think I'll end up disappointed with what I find. Not in the darkness or the wildness, but in the softness and light. I don't have full words for it yet, but this should give you an idea.
Moving on from that for a moment, I think I'm going home early today. Let me explain why: my boss.
I really love this person and we get along for the most part except for a few specific moments. Today is one of those moments.
He had a demo today. The net was down. That is annoying I get it. The conference line phone kept ringing and that was bothersome. I get it. I turned the ringer off for him. I made him a cappuccino and gave him some sugars. I noticed his iPhone was low on charge, so I got him a charging cable. I noticed that he had missed a few calls, so I made a mental note. Someone knocked on the door, so I stepped out to figure out what was up. They were the people that called; boss man had left some things at their house and they brought it here for him. I helped get the stuff. I came back in to explain what was happening and, being aware that he was trying to maintain his demo, I attempted to write a note explaining what was going on.
He then took a moment to glance over, then shove my arm and the papers off to a side.
Normally, I'd be upset. Right now, I'm pissed. Although at any other moment before now, I may have felt differently. Not today. Today, I feel like it was clear that I am and have always tried to be helpful. I tried to keep things quiet. I tried to be respectful of the demo going on by leaving something written on paper that he could read and at his leisure when he had a moment and he simply shoved it away.
I will say nothing at the moment because he is still in the demo, however we will have to square up about this at some point today as I simply just will not deal with that when I'm clearly making an effort not to be obtrusive. He turned around at one point and micro-ranted about all of the interruptions he had to deal with, but I don't care since (1) they weren't my fault and (2) I tried to mitigate all of the ones I had any ability to control.
So I'm going to get some coffee, breathe a bit, make my thoughts known and go home. Actually, I think that would be the best way to deal with this. I really do feel like doing otherwise, but I have to keep things professional.
Finally, I'm thankful that Hime-chan reads this as regularly as she does. She's just driven to know more about me and she uses this in the way I intended it to be used. I'm thankful that she -- or anyone else -- takes the time to read this and understand me a bit better while I'm trying to understand myself and learn to live and love a bit better... among other things.
you can talk to me about anything. I know you know that. and when you need to, you can just talk at me, and I'll sit there and listen to everything and just be there :)
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