I swear it seems a little bit more like I'm dead on the inside every day I wake up. Some days are better than others, but most days bear the thought of: this again?
More than that, I'm sitting here and thinking about fear. The people that are controlled by it. The people that run from whatever they feel all the while shouting, "I don't know..." when in all honesty, it's easier not to make a choice.
I think about myself and my resistance to so many things. Natural resistance. I don't even try to resist them, I just do. Being cornered. Being caught. Being labeled. Lately, doing anything I don't want. I am soooo much more resistant to doing things I just don't want to do and putting up with things I don't want to put up with.
Becoming numb. Disregarding the feelings of others more easily, although not completely, is becoming second nature. I don't even care if the people I care about still care. Sure, I have my feelings about it, but ultimately if they walk away I don't care. That is to say, I sit and think about the prospect and only a few people raise feelings at all.
At this rate, I'm going to turn into a rock at this rate.
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