You know, when I see you, I think about enjoying the time we'll spend talking and laughing and we never quite get around that. I know how you can be about having quality time, but quality time is something you create with someone regardless of the circumstances.
*shrug*
In the meantime, I'm enjoying the passing of days. After I left the hospital, I met up with JB, picked up AD, and went to see Reza and the family there. I finally met Victoria for the first time. After that, we came back home. We had a lot of good talk about relationships going there and coming home.
My new friend and I are getting on really well and that is fun. We talked a little bit while I was out with everyone, but not too much -- I try to be present where I am. I got a text from SP, so I sent him one back. Upon getting home, I sent him another text letting him know I had arrived. We laid on each other and talked for a while. A long while. There was an interruption or two. We went to get burgers, we watched anime, but more importantly, we loved each other. I listened and comforted while he talked and vented. It was beautiful.
While we lay there, I thought about how I just liked being held or hugged for a while. I thought about how I like holding and hugging for a while. I like that feeling that, for just a little while, I'm a fortress and the one I hold can run inside and be safe -- the proverbial shelter from the rain. I love that so much and I love how much I love that and want nothing more than that. I can just hold and be held and after that, there is no other desire vying for my attention. It's relieving.
I went to visit Tai today as a little surprise before he leaves town for a while. He was very quiet as I had people with me he didn't know, but it was fun and a good lunch. I'm glad I could make his day with a random visit. Seeing John was fun, also, but I was sooooo tired. Ugh.... Almost fell asleep on the stairs a few hundred times.
As I noted in one of my earlier entries, being a guy is irritating. Very irritating. It was irritating this morning, too.
Someone saw one of my pics as my MSN IM icon and proceeded to ask me if I was single, 'how big I was', what my orientation is, what my experiences are... I was floored, but flattered. Honestly, if someone says I'm good looking, I'll take that compliment. Apparently they were really horny also. Sad; I'm not gay and I live in GA. They live in TX. At least I have a new myspace friend. I've known this person for sometime and in that time, they've never been able to figure me out. They still haven't. They love my pictures, though.
*shrug*
My world moves along and I don't even feel a part of that movement anymore.
Sometimes, I look out of my window at night or stare at the sky and when everyone else is asleep. As I passed into sleep (very much in the nude since I knew I would hate myself when the morning came), I wished that someone were here to hold me and I imagined watching someone else sleep a while. It was nice in both cases. Then I was asleep. Very much and for very little time.... as always....
*sigh*
RM... I almost hugged him today, but I stopped myself. I have to remember how things got this way in the first place and just force myself to not be as emotional toward him. That time has passed and every time I forget that, I risk hurting no one but myself; everyone continues to live their lives while I lose sleep and I'm not doing that anymore....
*sigh*
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