otherworldly

Today is one of those days that I have a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that amidst so many other things including - and especially - my own vices, that this is not my home planet.

The wording is weird, but you feel it too. This nagging feeling in the back of your head that you're not from here. You see the interactions of people around you and listen to their words and see how they go about living their lives and all you can think is, "I don't belong here" "I'm not made for this" "When do I get to go home?"

This is where tonight finds me. I'm starting to think that loneliness and "groaning inwardly" aren't so different. I feel lonely because I'm alone. I am alone, not because there is no one around but because there's no one like me around.

There are posers, of course. There always are. People that feel spiritually connected. People who are philosophical. People that feel they have a special empathy or connection or understand of other people, but in the end, they all seem to fall short of being a "suitable helper". A comrade in arms. Someone that gets me and rides my waves and [insert other descriptors here].

I have a few satellites; distant stars that I connect to and it's because of the light from those stars that reach me not and then that keep me from believing that my life here is doomed to complete loneliness. In those people, the sun shines through so strongly that my only desire is to take them into myself so I don't have to be alone.

This may seem a bit odd, but maybe you know how I feel. If you don't, it's fine.

I don't expect you to.

Then again, if you are reading this blog, you might know better than anyone and for that I give you my deepest apologies. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone, but since you bear it, know that I bear it with you.