Lessons Learned

This week has been quite the week. My job is turning in every direction and that is, at best, a slowly sinking ship, but my eyes are open and I'm hopeful that things will all work out as they should. The way I got this job is a reminder to me at all times, that situations, no matter what aren't just being turned for my good, but for my best when my heart is in The Right Hands.

That said, frustrations at home have been rough. Roommate drama -- especially with Phillip. Before you ask, I have communicated all of this stuff I'm about to write, so I write without fear of it being found out. I snapped at Phillip this week for just being an ass in general. I'm tired and just done with him about that topic. He yells at and bullies people verbally for no reason and most recently, to guests in our home. I'll not continue to put up with that stupidity, so I blew a whistle on that. Big time. He's going to be emo about it for a while, but I don't care.

The other major event of the week involved a conversation with Rebecca. I suppose I could pull up the transcript, but it doesn't matter to a point. The summary question was why.

Before I continue to write on this topic, let me tell you about the track I'm on. These days, I'm a little less sparing of feelings and a little more open on all things including my anger and irritation.

Going on, she wrote me to ask about whether or not I had rented the tux for the upcoming wedding or not. I haven't yet. Honestly, I've had other things that are more important to spend money on. Food, rent, bills, student loans, etc. Not frivolous things; the most frivolous thing I bought recently was pants... and I needed those as I only had four and a bottle of alcohol for a party I attended this weekend (it was whiskey and it was good).

I asked for some simple information about the tux rental, got the info, felt fine. Saved me a trip to the wrong place. Good. Great. Fine.

Please tell me why she then asks, "Are we okay... you and I especially?" After that initial shock, I just went into deeper levels of WTF. The bad thing, when I didn't think I could be more incredulous, I was for the whole conversation. I thought about the conversation afterward and the more I thought about it, the angrier I became until I (politely) demanded an explanation.

Remember that thing about being incredulous in the last sentence? Yeah, the response I got to my request for an explanation (and she did take the time to explain) left me in more shock than the initial conversation. I don't know what to make of it or anything expressed in that conversation other than to be shocked at the fact that of all characters she should or would question, it would ever be mine.

Moving past that, I want to make a comment here about relationships: this isn't My Little Pony. You can't -- and should never -- ask someone to remain emotionally attached to you on any level that you are not willing to actively maintain. Period. I do not understand this especially when it comes to ex-boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. If you have let that person go and have gone so long without talking to them, then asking them "Are we okay?" makes no sense to me. What does it matter at this point? I would think that if all of this meant something, it would have been brought up with proportional frequency. At best right now, this appears to be emotional manipulation. Note the large print because the first time I hear something about accusing someone wrongly, I'm going to run over you like a train and not care. Going on, that's how it appears. Seriously: if you're reading this, I want you to think through this scenario and see what you get.

It also doesn't make sense at all to ask me questions like this two months before a wedding because they are afraid I would ruin their wedding.

Actually, let's talk about that, too. Ruin a wedding? Why would I cause drama for someone on their day? I have never done anything that shortsighted and selfish. At worst, I remain civil and polite and keep it moving. If I feel that strongly against someone, I would simply choose not to be there. I have not ever been the person to crash someone else's party and then talk shit about them when I could be somewhere I actually want to be. Was the fact that I accepted a position as a groomsman not a clear indication that I was not going to cause drama? What convoluted, fucked up world do you live in where people do that nonsense?

I don't have time for it.