thoughts in wee hours

I really wish I had someone to hug right now. I did that earlier today with a friend after he was noticeably upset about something. I just held him for a while and let him vent. He felt much better and we just sat there for a while, talking. That of course led to frustration later because B decided to ask him if he was bi for hugging me.

Are you kidding me? I hate how judgmental people are (especially when they are the first to say "don't judge me" about everything). Sometimes, affection isn't about your orientation. Sometimes you just care about a person - not a straight, bi, transgendered, or gay person, but a person period - and you go from that point...

...*sigh*

I hate being up and alone at hours like this. I really do. All I can think about is how limited people's perceptions are in relation to mine. I think in terms so big about almost everything that it escapes a label. I'm not gay or bi and at the same time, people are determined that I'm not straight either. Mind you, I have a lot to figure out and I'm admittedly lacking knowledge and therefore curious about many things, but sexually I'm pretty hard to peg and I like that a lot. I don't know if this has occurred to anyone in my world, but maybe love doesn't have an orientation. Maybe there is a point in love where the gender, history, background, and other things become so small they don't even matter anymore.

Maybe I hit that point long ago. I'm just out somewhere in a spot where love is so huge I can't define all of it. It just moves me...

... I still want to hold someone or be held by them. Anyone at all. That would be nice.