Reconciled

So tonight, I reached out. I sat down and decided that we weren't going to pretend to be okay until we were actually okay...

...and he respected that request. Polli made time to sit down and talk to me about everything. I mean everything. It was wonderful. I explained the pain and the hurt I had felt in the last month and where it came from in full. He didn't interrupt. He didn't make it seem like I was crazy. He really did his best to understand and it came through.

We felt deeply together. He apologized and we were reconciled to each other moment by moment, detail by detail, and wound by wound. I don't know where we will go, but I know that, from here, it's up to us. I've made my feelings clear about everything and I think he understands enough to make good decisions.

What happened? Well, without getting in too deeply, recently he's found a girl he likes. I mean really really likes; he actually said I'm in love with her today. What hurt among other things is that we've spent no time together since they've met; it's just been days of him texting her or playing on the computer.

This wouldn't hurt so much except for the fact that we were inseparable only the day before all of this went down. After that, all of the time he would have spent with me went to her. Not in a subtle way. Not in a "I'm going to start spending more time here, but I'm always going to be here, too..." I mean no time at all. For weeks. It hurt to have a friend I was so close to be only two feet away from me (we share a room) and not speak one single word for weeks just because he likes a girl. This wouldn't be good at all. After our talk he said he would have felt shitty if I had done similar things to him.

I explained the process of having to learn to do things and be happy without him because he wouldn't make any room for me in his life. We spoke at length about this and, looking at his eyes, I could see his understood how I felt and why. It made sense even if it hurt to admit he had been that horrible to anyone (and there's no other way to describe that); mind you, he's no devil nor is he a villain. He was just insensitive. I can understand why – I looked at this situation from his point of view on my own time for hours – but it didn't make the hurt one bit less while it lasted.

But now, there's a balm. I'm glad we talked. I listened to a song for the first time in a month that I haven't been able to for being at odds with him. It felt good to be reconnected. I felt normal again... or a little closer to it. I have my friend back and that feels good.

Bereavement

It started with waking up. Or rather, before then.

It was an idyllic moment. I held you in my arms and I took you in as fully as I could. It was a late afternoon. The scene was beautiful and breathtaking and endless. I drank in every detail; your smile, the wind playing about in your hair, we laughed and tumbled a little in a patch of grass near a tree. It felt like hours. I could feel the warmth of the day -- of you -- on my skin. I couldn't have imagined a happier moment if I tried. The one I wanted most to be with was with me and we were enjoying each other. Not doing any particular thing, but just being present in that moment together. It was perfect.

Then I woke up.

It is dark and rather early -- right at about 6:30 am -- and, most importantly, not there. Not with you. It wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that this thing I saw is outside of my grasp and it could never be inside of that grasp no matter how far out I attempt to reach. In some ways, I'm almost sure it would be forbidden me even if it weren't.

The hard part of it all is having to relive all of those feelings as if it were the first time.

All of them.

It drains all of my strength. It's so random a turn and only hours before work with no other thing to occupy me so early in the morning. Why did this even happen? I'll spare myself digging through the related questions tonight; this, as it is, is almost the limit of what I can handle in that respect.


I spent the day doing everything I could think of in order to just focus through the feeling; I don't want to fight or ignore it, but I have to function. I have to work. QA has to get done, I have projects that have tasks that have deadlines that have paperwork. I play a song or two and there you are again. That same idyllic figure. Gosh this hurts. I don't want to deal with this right now, but what other time is there. So I try to manage.

I got a lot of things done while fighting wave after wave of desire to collapse into a sobbing heap at my desk and this goes on for seven or so hours. I finish two QA projects and a book I started yesterday; it took me over three weeks to finish this book and it had less pages.

I play the games. I try not to be angry even though people are working my nerves and things around me seem to be all manner of madness.

I'm still at the edge of the urge to weep. I feel bereaved, but it's something I never had. What do I do with feelings like this.

A Thought

I saw your picture today. A normal picture. At that time, a flood of memories came to me and my heart beat just a little faster for a few moments. I guess you still have that effect on me. That's fine; like I told you before, those are my feelings and they will always be there.

As you are dealing with things and changes, know that I'm still here, even if only in the shadows, smiling and watching and proud of every thing -- big or smail -- that you accomplish. I miss you a lot (why wouldn't I).

Modified

Every now and then, things connected to us are modified. That can be difficult to navigate. Today is one of those days for me. Not knowing how else to feel, yet being requested not to fall into this puddle of emotion or that, I can only come to the conclusion that I should continue to feel as I did about this before and monitor how those feelings evolve with that modification in place. There's the normal steps I suppose; compression, expansion, evolution, conclusion, and forward motion. I'm thankful for the love and that dash of honesty, hard as it may have been to give or take. There's more to the story and there always is. In the end, I got what I prayed for in a way and on a similar vein, I spoke truth into the world not knowing the effect of doing so. Truth is a chaotic force; you never quite know the full result of speaking it when you do, but speak you must. In the end, tomorrow will come and I will love just as much as I did before; not good at loving less. On the other hand, it will be an interesting adventure to monitor the evolution of expression. I am who I am and I've never been anything less or false. Such is my nature and that part I am content with.

Talking to Beth

I wish she were my psychologist. It went from a simple hello and what could have been a casual convo to a real talk about emotions and scarring and the impact it leaves. Deep truths were spoken.

When someone breaks an arm, we give them plenty if time to heal. If someone is sick, they can have a week off from work.

On the other hand, if your heart is broken, we expect at work on time the next day.

This country is just not good the way we ate taught to handle emotions. Beth said that some people aren't made to live in the US and that I'm one of those.

I believe that.


We talked about things that triggered memories and I immediately snapped to a subconscious response in a hotel lobby to a song that wasn't even heard before being responded to and I mentioned that story without a single detail.

It's amazing how something in me will respond to words I don't understand at all.


I talked to Barry about the risk, pain and freedom that love is and recounted without detail bits of how you and I became. I told him to live fearlessly and shared what I've learned.

Glad I did.

I've so much more to day, buy I'm tired.

Salt and Water

The one said:

If my love for you were an ocean, I'm lost at sea without a lifesaver, raft, or signal flare in tropical waters and a thousand miles from the shore.

The other said:

If your love for me were an ocean, I would be salt.

The one thought:

If you are the salt, I will become one with these waters.

Hearts beat harder, but as one.

... and so continued the flow... 

About Brevity

This trip -- and most things I experience -- have taught me about loving.

This week has been one of deep appreciation and warning. I was doing high school, then college, then stabilizing my financial life, then finding a home and maintaining it and work and just growing up and just like that 14 years went by.

My uncle was happy to see me and after we talked about why I had my iPhone in hand at all times -- which took me a minute to explain and I wish he would have asked last night -- we talked about the next visit.

He said it is important that I come back and visit more often because I have ties here and it is my home. It would be rough going if I came up and wished I had been here to see my grandparents again.

He's right. Love is such a beautiful thing but our time to share it -- to burn our brightest light to those we love -- is brief at best and there is never a guarantee that I will have that person or people to love again if I don't give it all I have right now.

This is why I'm big on going hard if you're going to love someone. Never never never ration out your affections to people that are clearly worth it in your life. Some people do that. I know people that love me, but hold back from giving me their all and I can understand that, but we do not have any guarantee that I will always have you or that you will have me.

For my part, I'm making plans for a return trip, but I have much to ponder still about loving.

I suppose I will do as I have done and love hard even when it hurts, but the transience of us all cannot be overstated; our time left to love each other is completely unknown and I will always give my utmost and last to love you and let you know I do.

I hope you think enough of me to reach into the deepest parts of your love and give me the unbridled, unfiltered kind of love that (1) I crave and (2) I deserve to see if you think I'm worth loving at all.

If not, I'll give you this chance to back out. I'll let it be. I won't even bother you with it again.

On the other hand, if your love were a fire, I want you to burn white hot and if it consumes me, then let not even the ashes remain.

Turnaround Magic

I love these kinds of moments. I was so irritated and just went to talk to Jill. I didn't even state what was wrong, but just taking out a little frustration to someone that I knew would care helped me so much.

After that, a song came on. Jill commented that the crowd was dead, so I suggested we go liven things up. She was down and soon we were clapping and moving. It spread a little by a little and got people near us moving.

We came back and shared pictures and laughed and my irritation melted away. I wasn't on the phone much still but it was my choice this time. I swayed and enjoyed the music.

I had one song I wanted to hear very much, so i asked for it after being encouraged by Jill (dude, you're you, of course he'd play it).

His eyebrows jumped a bit, but he smiled and said sure. It was a really old song he hadn't had requested in forever. What he doesn't know it that that song is deep in my soul. I remember where and when I was, crying because I missed the very person playing the song which was on a cassette tape. Beautiful, but painful memory.

I stood for most of that song, silently thanking them for playing it and enjoying the expressions of everyone around. Especially Tomo who has the most soul-soothing, peaceful expression while playing.

I thanked them all and Jerry gave me a CD to take home. I'm rather excited about this since it has newer things on it. I don't think he understood that I wanted all of the music he's ever made.

He does now.

We hugged, I hugged Jill, I shook hands with the band, and so ends my final night here. It was so good to be here and I'm
Thankful for the little things that can change a night from frustrating into magical.

This night was definitely that and tomorrow I head home. There is a lot I will miss here. Especially the musical tastes. I actually like listening to the radio. Everyone here knows good music.

That said, my love waits for me in Georgia and I really want to be there right now. I come back to them, happy but longing.

I'm glad I came here. I really am.

My Father's Son

This visit has been so many things leading to today. Eye-opening and funny.

I've lived with my mom most of my life and I take many a trait from there, but today I observed that so many things within me that are emerging are from my father's line.

Alton is a ninja. Grandma is elegant, graceful and warm with a sharp edge. Grandpa is straight gangsta. Jerry is curious and funny. Brandon is observant and painfully honest. Tarina is quiet joy. All of the men share my bodily features; height, hairline, skin textures... all of it.

It caused so much unexpected, unbridled joy for everyone to see me there. 14 years stored up with love were spilled out so much. I took a lot of pictures.

People were married. People existed that did not exist when I was there last. Everyone that met me for the first time liked me. I also liked them. Laughter flowed through. Old wounds were opened here and there and we're just as quickly closed.

Jill was glad to finally meet me in person. Every embrace was met with laughter by me and each person that hugged me. Contact info was exchanged. It was so much but yet not enough. There were the questions of course; where had I been? Why so silent for so long? Not a touch of hurt, though. Pure curiosity on where life's roads had led me in love and adulthood. All met with nods and understanding.

With that, the night ended and we were all pretty tired.

Now home, thoughts and feelings from many corners are filling my mind, but of them all, as much as I love my mom, I am clearly my father's son.

With the Fam

I love you and I'm missing you terribly but even in that, my hours have laughter in their wake. Being with my family inspires so much joy in just their being.




My uncle laughing and saying, "Yes and thank you" when the TV announces that shopping at Sacs 5th Avenue is not black Friday shopping.

The guys watching varying sports and joking while the girls busy themselves making this and that. It's just how they are.

We're listening and talking about iPhones and Droids and putting more sugar in the fruit punch.

It's these people that I inherit so much of who I am from. Even in our deepest seriousness, there's a bit of mirth and faith that things will be as they should be.

We love hard here and everyone is welcome. I'll miss this when I return home but for now, I enjoy every moment of it even as I sit here and write.




Oh, and I kinda look cute. ♥

Chikai

You've given life to the one my soul loves and in return I will give you my own from heartbeat to breath to brainwave.

I will withhold nothing to care for, protect and bring happiness to you.

I will destroy all that wishes to harm you and I will help anyone that helps you.

Yakusoku da yo.
Towa ni.

Sleeping with Dad

It was getting late and Dad said he avoids being out in the rain as it gives him head cold, so GE spent the night.

"Do you roll up in the blanket at night because if so, we need to talk about that..."

I had to laugh. We ended up talking about my uncle who is notorious for this. He asked me to wake him up at 7:20 or so in the morning so he could be off to prepare for work. I told him I would.

He slept in bed next to me.

I played with the phone for a bit bd talked to Hime-chan for a bit before finally sleeping. I woke up around 5:30 and turned over a bit. I, of course, couldn't sleep, so I watched him sleep. He was still and made little sound. Much like me.

I watched the time and waited for the next two hours to pass. I finally saw the time and remembered my promise. I started to wake him. Grandma also came down the hall to wake him.

I couldn't even suppress the thoughts of, "Daddy, do you have to go...?" even as I was telling him he did. Very odd feeling.

Finally he got out of bed, put on clothes, and got ready to leave. I stayed awake and watched him move about. He came back to the bed and I sat up to meet him.

We both hugged each other and wished things were otherwise. I told him I loved him in sotto-voce and he said the same.

"I'll see you soon, ok?"

"Ok. Stay out of the rain. Don't take candy from people in unmarked white vans."

I'm lying in bed. I don't want to start my day yet.

Commune time is going to be essential today.i wish I knew what to sub for pullups.

This Guy

My dad came here after work. My dad who I talk about and miss all the time. This guy.




I have never been more thankful that I can just drop my pride and really love people. I simply clung to him and grinned from ear to ear. He just laughed. His house-filling, bass tone laugh and held onto me. I can't even express how that felt.

He tried to talk to me, but I just nodded and kept holding on. He understood and kept laughing.

We walked into the kitchen and watched a little bit of "Dancing with the Stars" where he made a ton of hilarious if irreverent comments.

He touched me all over the place -- my arms, back, chest and shoulders -- and commented that I seemed to be a lot more muscular. He asked if I was going to the gym or if I had been. I told him I work out at home. He compared me to my younger brother Percell.

Percell plays football and is built like a tank. Needless to say, I felt complimented.

Afterward, we came to the back of the house. We took pictures like this:




After that we just laid there next to each other, talking about life. I work, exercise and dance. Not much else to say there. Then again, I take 26-hour bus trips.

He laughed at that last part as I explained the story. He talked to me about things like where he met my mom. We looked at some old pictures of him (I know where my latent fashion sense comes from; dude was shaaaarp), talked about my sister Jhonei's new baby boy, David, and just laughed at life.

He saw me texting and said I should put a speedometer on my thumb.

He also played football on his phone. He's making a sandwich and I'm contemplating sleep and some other, secret things.

Again, moments like this make me forget what I'm missing for a moment.

I love this man.

A Touch of Home

Walking for a couple of miles today, I notice that everything is just as I left it.

The block is still the block. There's always construction happening. People dress in interesting and cool ways.

My grandparents are still my grandparents. They're so happy to see me. Grandpa was here when I arrived. After talking to him a bit, I went to lie down and passed out for four blissful hours.

By the time I woke up, grandma was home. She and I hugged for a while; she felt sweet. It's hard to explain that, but she really did. So much love in that one act. A simple hug with tears of "I missed you. I love you. I can't believe you're finally here..." wrapped in it.

They use landline phones. They live in the same apartment. They have tons of stuff they'll never use. I caught her up on everyone back in Georgia. We ate fish and fries for dinner. Grandpa wanted grits, so had some of that, too.

We watched some of Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune and guessed the puzzles together. It was like being 10 again. I just sat here taking in all of the moment I was in and I forgot all that I missed for a while.

Miss AJ called and wanted to see me. We're going to New Jersey for thanksgiving. Varying family asked how I was and to hear the excitement in their voices that I'm so near to them where I'm usually so far away... I don't think one week was enough to be here.

Grandma is kinda sad I'm leaving and I haven't even left yet; she asked three times if I absolutely have to go to work Monday (I do).

Some things have changed. Grandma is closer to the front of the house now so I'm in a bedroom near the back.

Other things remain intact. She still falls asleep if she stays still too long. She still spends a lot of time in the kitchen and bustles about in there a lot. She still offers me a ton of dessert after dinner (which I declined today, by the way. Maybe tomorrow).

I managed to make my way to the back, update the world on my doings, get a dance in and have commune time.

Commune time had me thinking back a few weeks and I realize that I still feel exactly as I did then. Maybe a bit more strongly. A bit more fiercely. I remember hearing, "I'm not perfect. I want you to know that..." and then, as you surrender to my commitment to love you, "Remember this moment. Remember your feelings right now."

I did and I still do. It only gets better with the time that passes. More solid.

I thought more, but that's something more to be said in person than in journal.

My eyes ache hardcore. I may opt for sleeping early. I wish I knew what to do instead of pullups since I can't do that or lift weights tomorrow. Creativity: activate!!

I also took some pictures when I got here.










That said, I want to thank, Minnellis, Ivan and Hime-chan very specifically for checking on me and chatting with me throughout my trip.

I'll get back to thinking and enjoying my reverie now. Other things happened, but I'll throw that in later.

Dad

He just called. I'm so... I'm in love with this man. I really am.

We just talked and he's so happy to see me and we talked a bit about so many things.

I told him about how I told Joe it was his fault I smile and laugh so much. I told him that every cafe knows that I come for white chocolate mocha. I told him I love Starbucks, but not for the coffee. After some laughter, I told him: it's because that was where you were with me last; the Starbucks where I work was the last place we were together when I graduated college.

He laughed. He smiled. I could feel his happiness from where I sit. I wish I were with him, in his arms and that time will come, but waiting is hard. I really miss him and it gets hard not having him near me.

I want some people to meet my dad. I want them to see where so much of me comes from.

Mostly, I want to give him all of the hugs I've wanted to give him in the last six years.

This is the window of happiness I feel in missing you back at home so much and I'll be sure to enjoy it then come back home to you.

I Hate Those I Love

It's only a short time from now but in that time, it's torturous.

I hate that I love you so fucking much. Pardon the strength of my expression, but I can't help it. I have wings to fly, but people like you keep me looking over my shoulder even as I take off. I don't lose will, but I lose heart.

What should be a purely happy moment has a breath of sorrow in it. This isn't your fault; it's mine.

I want to take you with me. Here. To a place you clearly cannot go. I wish I could bring you and never have you have to leave me ever. I have a hard enough time dealing with living in a different home than you and now I am going to be hundreds of miles away.

Objectively, I'll be gone for about 96 hours and then I will come back home and continue on as before: work, exercise, dance, online life, friends, etc.

In my heart and mind, it may as well be three eternities or a sentence to life in solitary confinement.

I can't find that laser perfect word or set of words, but as you read these words, I want you to close your eyes and feel my heart beating with and for you. Let my love find you and wear it like an overcoat. Breathe it in like light summer rain. Take in its fiery warmth. Know that, while it never seems enough, I'm always with you even when my body is elsewhere.

I will probably feel better when I arrive where I'm going but this is hard going right now.

Today I Cried

We try to hard to be grown-ups. Bury the emotions, do our work, pay our bills, have a social life. None of this emotional nonsense. Especially the men. We have things to do. We need to have our heads on straight. Being a sobbing mess on your desk is not called for, helpful or needed. Neither are your stupid giddy bits of laughter over this and that. You should have some sense. It's just life. Things happen. You get hurt. Get over it already and stop crying about it. Dust it off. It doesn't matter. Move on already...

It was coming, though. I just sat at the desk and I cried for a while. Because things were lost. Because things were gained. Because I'm not alone. Because I'm discovering new and beautiful things and people and it isn't fair to them if I hide all of who I am because I got hurt showing it to someone else before. It's the beginning. The first tears of a man that has seen sunlight for the first time in many years. The releasing of an emotional creature that I have long kept locked up.

I felt all of my feelings today. All of them. Welling up and rolling like so many waves. I felt them and then I looked around for someone to hold, to hug, to just understand. I battled with the old lie that continues to plague me: you're alone. No one cares.

At that time, I saw your face. I felt your arms around me. You whispered and the tears came harder. I have the strength to fight the lie and I gain it from just loving you and learning to let you love me back. I'm thankful for you and I want to express that with my words, but tears come instead. I hope that you can understand my tears.

I'm trying to go back. To remember when it was okay for me to be openly emotional without a moment's hesitation or fear. You help me more than you know.

I reached out a bit, but no responses really. Miranda sent me a message, though. That was good. I think I'm done crying for now. I wish it were for a while, but I think this is the beginning of many days of this...

...and hopefully, that's ok. I need it to be.

As You Are There

I sit here and I wonder how I was ever this blessed. How do things like this happen to me?

It was so simple how all of this started. I remember that day. You were just sitting over there and I noticed you. I mean, I noticed. It wasn't something you said or something you did. It was just who you were. I saw an unexplored depth. I connected right then and there. We had to be friends. We just had to. I left the room after speaking a few words, but they were more than enough.

After that day, I thought about you a lot. I wondered what you thought about things. I wondered what our first conversation would be like. Maybe casual. Maybe serious. Maybe both. Who knew?

Then we started to talk. And talk. And talk. The more we talked, the closer we became. Line after line. Concept after concept. It wasn't even the words we chose.... or maybe it was. There are those people -- those friends and lovers -- that, when you read their words, your heart beats a little faster. Sadness is a little more sad. Happiness is a little more happy. You were easily one of these and it made my head spin thinking of how quickly a bond like that could be formed. It still does and I smile when I think about it.

We stood in the middle of a crossroads in life, pointed to the signs that led us to this spot, then chose to walk away from that spot together. I knew, but I didn't know it would be like this. I knew you would be here. It's something I called being "knit-together"; I believe God makes souls that are uniquely shaped to fit together with ours as friends, lovers and family.

Some of these people you meet at varying points in life and no matter how long you may have lived without them before, you wonder how you ever did and suddenly you can't think of a day without them being there. You don't know how you survive without them.

Yes, it sounds obsessive.
No, I don't care.

I feel this way about my closest friends and I always have and there will never be a time where I do not feel that way about them and I don't care to hide that feeling. Not now. Not later. Not ever. When I close my eyes and I think about you, I feel you right next to me and for a few moments, I feel bigger than the body I'm in and the planet I'm on.

I hold you in my arms for just a moment and I listen to your breathing and your heartbeat and we're connected for just a moment -- spirit to spirit, soul to soul. Then I let go and I'm left smiling, yet sad. It was only a vision -- you are not here. You are there where you are living where you live and I pray that wherever that is that you are happy there. I go through so many emotions. I want to get in my car and drive and hug you and not care that I'm interrupting your job or your church service or your mid-afternoon nap. I want to hug you and I don't want to let go. I see the gift I've been given and I am sharply aware that I don't have enough life to appreciate it properly, but I want to give it all I can...

...then I think that it may be too much for you.

I've been down that road. I've bared all of my deepest emotions and have people straight up walk out of my life just after the words, "I love you and I'll always be here for whatever" escaped their lips. I've been hurt deeper and more often over that one thing than any in my life and just when I want to hide and never show myself again, I see or think about you and it's worth trying again...

And again...
And again...

I'm honestly trying not to cry, but I want to and this is a really emotional entry and that's fine. I think the things we love should move us that much at minimum. You make me want to roar like a lion, lie down like a sheep, be loyal like a faithful dog, defend fiercely, love fearlessly and learn to love even better just so I can give you the fruit of that learning process every day.

All of this is what I think about when I wake up in a fit of insomnia and I suddenly wish for you to be here for even one moment. To talk or laugh or cry or nothing at all other than just be here with me. I can live without you being here. I could live without you at all, but in my heart, I don't want to have to even breathe without you and sometimes that can be a bit overwhelming to take in when I say it all like this, so I hope that the next time when I hug you a little tighter or hold on a little longer or when I stall just a little more when we part ways that you understand that I'm just a kid trying to slow down time for just one more second to love you with.

And when I put my hand on your shoulder and sometimes even fight just to not out and out kiss you on the forehead, I get the idea from your slight, nearly imperceptible smile and occasionally lingering eye contact, that you do.

Go, Joe, Ohio

I recruited Joe to come with me on a road trip to Ohio for work. He was super quiet on the way up, but Meredith talked enough for both of us and I laughed a lot.

The hotel was cool, the event was a hot mess. Seriously. I was there for 9 hours and we spent 30 minutes of that time talking to anyone even remotely important. That's just nuts on so many levels. We got to see a plane land.

We dropped Meredith off at the airport and Joe and I talked everything, anything and nothing. In that time, I opened up to him in a way that has been very hard as of late. I went from height to depth in mood and thought. We got to a point in sharing where we didn't even need to speak to share. Have you ever had someone touch your hand or your shoulder and you knew there were right there with you, feeling how you felt?

Yeah.
That.

I'm glad he came. I don't even know what to make of how quickly and deeply the friendship has grown in so short a time, but it feels good and I want to keep that around. I can't think of enough good things to say about him. We have a lot in common and I think I may have found someone to share all of these other passions I don't get to fully express with others. I talked with him about feelings I haven't revisited in years. We were able to sit in the same car and cry with each other and there was no shame. In male relationships, this is so rare and precious and depressingly uncommon....

I'm so past words right now. I'm glad we talked. I'm glad we're talking. I'm blessed that I've met him and his wife Heather and his kid Izaac.

Effin Amazing

So today I went and saw this lovely lady:

That's right: be jealous.

Seriously, I just wanted to get out of the house and out of Athens for a while, so I posted on FB and asked who wanted a visit. I took the responses I got and planned a visit to Michelle since she was the first response.

I called Brett to see if he wanted in.
He did.

When he arrived, I ate the lunch on my diet and headed to menchies. While there, I got a hat.

After that, it was just the two of us on the open road with a talking GPS app and lots of upbeat music. We talked about all sorts of things from the silly to the serious and back again.

Arriving at Michelle's, Kasey greeted Brett and I at the door with great gusto. After that, we chatted for a bit. Michelle herself was out for a bit. Kasey was preparing to go fishing with her beau.

When Michelle got home, she settled in and caught us up on things going on with her. We exchanged stories from the past, explaining our connection to Brett. I also got to show her some of the pictures I've been working on. Finally, we went out for a walk around the downtown area.

Lots of shops. We stopped at a sushi spot and Marble Slab for ice cream. We spent most of that time laughing and in good spirits. I tried to tag Randa on the way up, but timing with other things didn't work out well. Hopefully, I will catch her when I'm up that way again.

After a lot more talking and such, Brett and I made the return trek home and talked about a lot of funny and semi-awkward things while laughing about the events of the day.

When I finally got home, James and Rickey were here, so Brett talked to them for a bit. I came over to them and spoke a bit as well. We got plenty of questions about what we did all day.

I answered not a one.

After that, James mentioned that Rickey had some going-away party for him last night.


Um....whutdafukk?! Did you really just tell this man -- who told you he was going to be gone for the weekend on friday morning -- that you were having a going-away party for him when he was clearly not to be home and lie to his face?

Well... I wanted to surprise you and I thought you would be back home...


OMFG are you kidding me right now? So how did all the stuff last night happen?

Well, you didn't come home, so I decided to do some other stuff....


I simply posted, "I don't like liars..." and left that alone. Nigga knows he was not trying to have a going-away party when James was gone for the weekend; James never comes home on a Saturday when he has the whole weekend off.

Lying bastard...

Rickey asked if I got laid. I told him he'll find out at 7:30AM tomorrow morning. "That wasn't me man, that was Kevin." You really want me to believe that you let someone have sex that you did not partake of in your bedroom?! Do I really look that dumb to you?! C'mon son. Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit.

How do people stay on that next level shit? I'll catch you every time and I know I caught you now, but you know what? Fuck it. I had a good day being somewhere other than here and I'll choose to let that make this night good even if Rickey is a lying prick more than half the time now...

What the hell happened to this kid...?


...oh, and I sound like a fratty, white guy. Priceless.