I sit here and I wonder how I was ever this blessed. How do things like this happen to me?
It was so simple how all of this started. I remember that day. You were just sitting over there and I noticed you. I mean, I noticed. It wasn't something you said or something you did. It was just who you were. I saw an unexplored depth. I connected right then and there. We had to be friends. We just had to. I left the room after speaking a few words, but they were more than enough.
After that day, I thought about you a lot. I wondered what you thought about things. I wondered what our first conversation would be like. Maybe casual. Maybe serious. Maybe both. Who knew?
Then we started to talk. And talk. And talk. The more we talked, the closer we became. Line after line. Concept after concept. It wasn't even the words we chose.... or maybe it was. There are those people -- those friends and lovers -- that, when you read their words, your heart beats a little faster. Sadness is a little more sad. Happiness is a little more happy. You were easily one of these and it made my head spin thinking of how quickly a bond like that could be formed. It still does and I smile when I think about it.
We stood in the middle of a crossroads in life, pointed to the signs that led us to this spot, then chose to walk away from that spot together. I knew, but I didn't know it would be like this. I knew you would be here. It's something I called being "knit-together"; I believe God makes souls that are uniquely shaped to fit together with ours as friends, lovers and family.
Some of these people you meet at varying points in life and no matter how long you may have lived without them before, you wonder how you ever did and suddenly you can't think of a day without them being there. You don't know how you survive without them.
Yes, it sounds obsessive.
No, I don't care.
I feel this way about my closest friends and I always have and there will never be a time where I do not feel that way about them and I don't care to hide that feeling. Not now. Not later. Not ever. When I close my eyes and I think about you, I feel you right next to me and for a few moments, I feel bigger than the body I'm in and the planet I'm on.
I hold you in my arms for just a moment and I listen to your breathing and your heartbeat and we're connected for just a moment -- spirit to spirit, soul to soul. Then I let go and I'm left smiling, yet sad. It was only a vision -- you are not here. You are there where you are living where you live and I pray that wherever that is that you are happy there. I go through so many emotions. I want to get in my car and drive and hug you and not care that I'm interrupting your job or your church service or your mid-afternoon nap. I want to hug you and I don't want to let go. I see the gift I've been given and I am sharply aware that I don't have enough life to appreciate it properly, but I want to give it all I can...
...then I think that it may be too much for you.
I've been down that road. I've bared all of my deepest emotions and have people straight up walk out of my life just after the words, "I love you and I'll always be here for whatever" escaped their lips. I've been hurt deeper and more often over that one thing than any in my life and just when I want to hide and never show myself again, I see or think about you and it's worth trying again...
And again...
And again...
I'm honestly trying not to cry, but I want to and this is a really emotional entry and that's fine. I think the things we love should move us that much at minimum. You make me want to roar like a lion, lie down like a sheep, be loyal like a faithful dog, defend fiercely, love fearlessly and learn to love even better just so I can give you the fruit of that learning process every day.
All of this is what I think about when I wake up in a fit of insomnia and I suddenly wish for you to be here for even one moment. To talk or laugh or cry or nothing at all other than just be here with me. I can live without you being here. I could live without you at all, but in my heart, I don't want to have to even breathe without you and sometimes that can be a bit overwhelming to take in when I say it all like this, so I hope that the next time when I hug you a little tighter or hold on a little longer or when I stall just a little more when we part ways that you understand that I'm just a kid trying to slow down time for just one more second to love you with.
And when I put my hand on your shoulder and sometimes even fight just to not out and out kiss you on the forehead, I get the idea from your slight, nearly imperceptible smile and occasionally lingering eye contact, that you do.
It was so simple how all of this started. I remember that day. You were just sitting over there and I noticed you. I mean, I noticed. It wasn't something you said or something you did. It was just who you were. I saw an unexplored depth. I connected right then and there. We had to be friends. We just had to. I left the room after speaking a few words, but they were more than enough.
After that day, I thought about you a lot. I wondered what you thought about things. I wondered what our first conversation would be like. Maybe casual. Maybe serious. Maybe both. Who knew?
Then we started to talk. And talk. And talk. The more we talked, the closer we became. Line after line. Concept after concept. It wasn't even the words we chose.... or maybe it was. There are those people -- those friends and lovers -- that, when you read their words, your heart beats a little faster. Sadness is a little more sad. Happiness is a little more happy. You were easily one of these and it made my head spin thinking of how quickly a bond like that could be formed. It still does and I smile when I think about it.
We stood in the middle of a crossroads in life, pointed to the signs that led us to this spot, then chose to walk away from that spot together. I knew, but I didn't know it would be like this. I knew you would be here. It's something I called being "knit-together"; I believe God makes souls that are uniquely shaped to fit together with ours as friends, lovers and family.
Some of these people you meet at varying points in life and no matter how long you may have lived without them before, you wonder how you ever did and suddenly you can't think of a day without them being there. You don't know how you survive without them.
Yes, it sounds obsessive.
No, I don't care.
I feel this way about my closest friends and I always have and there will never be a time where I do not feel that way about them and I don't care to hide that feeling. Not now. Not later. Not ever. When I close my eyes and I think about you, I feel you right next to me and for a few moments, I feel bigger than the body I'm in and the planet I'm on.
I hold you in my arms for just a moment and I listen to your breathing and your heartbeat and we're connected for just a moment -- spirit to spirit, soul to soul. Then I let go and I'm left smiling, yet sad. It was only a vision -- you are not here. You are there where you are living where you live and I pray that wherever that is that you are happy there. I go through so many emotions. I want to get in my car and drive and hug you and not care that I'm interrupting your job or your church service or your mid-afternoon nap. I want to hug you and I don't want to let go. I see the gift I've been given and I am sharply aware that I don't have enough life to appreciate it properly, but I want to give it all I can...
...then I think that it may be too much for you.
I've been down that road. I've bared all of my deepest emotions and have people straight up walk out of my life just after the words, "I love you and I'll always be here for whatever" escaped their lips. I've been hurt deeper and more often over that one thing than any in my life and just when I want to hide and never show myself again, I see or think about you and it's worth trying again...
And again...
And again...
I'm honestly trying not to cry, but I want to and this is a really emotional entry and that's fine. I think the things we love should move us that much at minimum. You make me want to roar like a lion, lie down like a sheep, be loyal like a faithful dog, defend fiercely, love fearlessly and learn to love even better just so I can give you the fruit of that learning process every day.
All of this is what I think about when I wake up in a fit of insomnia and I suddenly wish for you to be here for even one moment. To talk or laugh or cry or nothing at all other than just be here with me. I can live without you being here. I could live without you at all, but in my heart, I don't want to have to even breathe without you and sometimes that can be a bit overwhelming to take in when I say it all like this, so I hope that the next time when I hug you a little tighter or hold on a little longer or when I stall just a little more when we part ways that you understand that I'm just a kid trying to slow down time for just one more second to love you with.
And when I put my hand on your shoulder and sometimes even fight just to not out and out kiss you on the forehead, I get the idea from your slight, nearly imperceptible smile and occasionally lingering eye contact, that you do.
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