love.... no really

I have been thinking about this for a while and this is honestly going to be a rather angry post. If you are having a good day and don't feel like being bothered, then don't read this entry. Skip it entirely. If you are ready to have your heart splayed open and dissected, then feel free to keep reading.

I spent the first part of my morning in conversation with someone on Skype. It started with a request to remove clothing at which point I responded with the following:

i don't feel like it. i don't know if you know this or not, but i talk to you because i like talking to you. don't have to take clothes off to talk. it's not like i don't want you to talk to me, but i want you to ask me something other than "can you take off [___]". i don't mind standing up, i don't mind not wearing a shirt, i don't mind showing you some new underwear i bought or something, but there are other things to talk about too. things we think, feel or experience. people we care about. things like that.

The conversation went a lot better after this and we started to talk about other things like God (no, not religion. God), family, work, and other things. My question is this: why does that have to be said? To catch you up, about a month back, I joined a site called woome and found out that it was a speed-dating site and not a social networking site (of course, if you have been keeping up with the blog, you would have read that here). Since then, I've had every kind of offer thrown at me to do this and that. Common question: can I see your cock?

[...and no, I am not going to edit that. You need to see the ugliness in the same way I do...]

Really? Really? I'm so tired of it. I'm like "no, that's cool". Next common question: wanna see mine? Again: really? How about treating me (and the other 100 people you have to do be doing that to) like I'm a person or something. I know this isn't common for you and may take getting used to, but I think it would be good for the public if you acted like we were more than sex objects to be used for your pleasure.

I know, it's incredible and you are still reeling from the shock of that statement. Take a moment to catch your breath and regain balance.

These kind of people don't know how to love. They probably know what pleasure is. They probably know what happiness is. I'm sure they do. Maybe they know a form of love, in a very much diluted form, but they don't know what I know and the gap is wide enough for me to put the universe in.

Then there is the comment about compassion from last night. Again, how is it that someone could see someone in pain and have anger as a primary response? Anger toward the person in pain. I understand they are not handling their issue well -- you shouldn't drown any problem in alcohol. I don't understand that and I probably never will, but last night, my friend went through some very upsetting things and tried to call me (the phone wasn't on), so they walked miles (like about 7 or so of them) to my home. They were very much drunk when they got there. I didn't know this until they came upstairs later to talk and let me know what was going on. I could have been mad remembering how many times I've told people that seeing my friends drunk breaks my heart, but when I look at his face and see tears streaming, how could I be angry at him? I told him that he shouldn't do what he did drinking wise, but I held him and just let him talk and cry and ramble for a while.

What other response could I have given?

Meanwhile, one of my friends expressed deep-seated anger and a severe lack of sympathy for the same person I am holding because he "thought he had a stronger character" or that "he lets his weakness overtake his strength". We all experience that weakness. Depending on the person, I react differently on the surface, but the underside of it is always compassion and nothing less and I don't see how someone who has done things just like this in order to deal with frustration, sadness, loss or whatever else cannot understand someone doing things that aren't necessarily good for them in order to cope for a while. It would have been different if this person were an alcoholic, but he's not. It would be different if this person hadn't tried to reach out. "He did all of this for attention..." What should he have done? Stayed home and let this swallow him alive? How many times have you or anyone else come to me to escape the pressures or dark places of their lives and just have a friend near them for a while...?

This makes me so mad, I'm running out of words for it. We're so quick to find a reason not to love someone, then want to run around screaming that we want to be loved and we want someone to give their lives for us and we want someone to be our whatever, when all we really want is entertainment. We're so hypocritical with loving people it is ridiculous. I understand that there are some people that are bad for your lives. I understand that sometimes people need to be told the truth in a more forceful and even harsh way because they need to grow up and deal with life. I really do get those concepts and I agree, but what I don't agree with are people that just "keep it real" or "tell the truth" just to tell it without one ounce of compassion or love or even thought about the feelings and consequences that follow telling the person they are talking to the truth of the situation.

LOVE IS NOT THIS FUCKING HARD, FOLKS! Repeat: not hard. It's simple. You love God. You love other people and you treat people the way you want to be treated in a similar situation. Word to the wise: you sow what you reap. Apparently, more people than not are in for very loveless lives.