My Soul Says Yes

I ran into this song I hadn't heard in so long. It's a small worship set from this DVD I watched a few years. There's something about listening to this person say nothing but "Yeah!" for a few seconds. Mind you, if you watch the whole video, you'll have a better appreciation for it, but this particular section gets me every time.

As you've been noticing over the last few entries, seeing people get lost in joy is a passion of mine. You may have also noticed that I like helping people pursue their passions if you've caught my entries over the last few months or my posts on twitter, facebook, and google+.

The thing I see here is that this woman is clearing losing herself in singing to this person she's so clearly in love with. Skip to 7:37 and you'll see what I mean (or 6:02 and following since the theme to this blog is there).

She just forgot. She forgot she was on stage. Forgot she had on this pretty white dress. Forgot about her makeup. Forgot about her (very nicely) done hair. Forgot about the audience. For that moment (for most of this video, actually, but this particular moment was special) she forgot everything and everyone...

...well, almost everyone.

Now if you've been following this blog for the last few days, you would have seen this entry here. How is that related to this other than the obvious?

Well, here's the thing: the last couple of days have been unusually emotional. The emotions aren't negative, but they are hard (and easy) to take. Hard, because I don't feel like this should be happening to me. I've been crazy places and I've walked definitely more shade than light in my opinion. God's response to this is to give me this crazy kind of joy. I remember all of these good things and I want to apologize to him for so much and He doesn't care. He just embraces me.

I feel like Zuko when he met Iroh. I could quote him...

Zuko: Uncle. I know you must have mixed feelings about seeing me. But I want you to know... [he begins to cry] I am so, so sorry, Uncle. I am so sorry and ashamed of what I did. I don't know how I can ever make it up to you, but I...

[Iroh turns and pulls him into a fierce hug]
Zuko: [bewildered] How can you forgive me so easily? I thought you would be furious with me!
Iroh: [crying] I was never angry with you. I was sad, because I was afraid you'd lost your way.
Zuko: I did lose my way.
Iroh: [leaning back to look at him] But you found it again. And you did it by yourself. And I am so happy you found your way here.
[they hug]
Zuko: It wasn't hard, Uncle. You have a pretty strong scent.

This. Exactly this. The way I feel is so hard to describe. It's easy because it's joy. It's something we crave so much and it's being readily offered to me in abundance for absolutely no other discernible reason than the fact that He just wants to.

Okay, fine.

It's so attractive... so powerful...

You know how you get so mad that you actually hit things or scream or yell or drive? Or that you get so sad you cry, or just hug the nearest person to you? Or laugh when someone says something really funny? Okay. How about when someone you love touches you? You know how you have a physical and emotional and mental response all at the same time?

Okay, now take that last feeling. Imagine being touched by someone you love so much that you smile when you see them and you melt into their hugs just a little; Polli's like that most times (I have a lot of love in my life, so this is easy to imagine for me).

Now imagine that person being a person made out of pure energy and joy.

Now if you can imagine that, multiply that feeling by about a hundred times. Imagine this person never being more than a foot away from you. Never failing you. Never disappointing. Always loving you. Imagine this person is the friend and lover you've always wanted.

Take that in and multiply that times about a hundred again.

Now imagine that you've done this person an amazing amount of wrong, but they've been the perfect friend regardless of how you've hurt them or how badly you've treated them. Hold that thought in mind, then think about the relief you feel that, even after so much, they've not given up on you.

Multiply that by about a thousand times.

Now you have about a tenth of how I've felt in the last two days. I'm so happy, I'm so sad. I feel like I just got caught with the last slice of this awesome cake and I'm caught redhanded but I don't care. "I'm sorry, but I like this joy so much. I know I don't deserve it, but I'm taking all of it in that I can. I can't help myself. I really can't.

It's really hard either crying or wanting to cry all the time. I wish Polli were here.