A Week In a Day

Normally, I take about a week and mull over all that's happened in the year for the first week of the year, but instead of doing that this year, I'm going to write what's been churning in my head about this year in list form and see how that goes. Events, thoughts, all of it... well not all of it....

• I have acquired more secrets to keep this year than any other year previous. There's just a lot more things I can't tell anyone. A lot more.
• I'm... harder. I want to say angrier, but I'm not actually angry. I want to say harsher, but I'm not harsh. I've just lost tolerance for certain things and that has reshaped the way I'm expressed and it will continue to shape it in a way that seems almost dark. As I've said before, I have safeguards in place for this.
• I'm wilder. With passing moments, I notice that my temper... is a little shorter. I manage to keep myself composed, but it just doesn't take quite as much as it used to. Aside from that, I feel more "wide open". 
• I'm sexier. I look good shirtless... in a way that I notice. Not letting it go to my head, though. I also look nice in fedoras. I'm also noticing certain urges coming up... I need not go into it. It's infrequent and manageable and... interesting.
• I have less, but more. Minimizing things has changed how I feel about... well, things. Owning them, having them. I question them all a lot more often. I mean a lot more often. I just sent Polli away with a bunch of things. I'm thinking about other things to give away. Quite a few things. At the same time, I have more time for things (when I manage it properly) and people. I enjoy the people I choose to be with more often, actually.
• I love more freely. Not more, but more freely. I've learned to rest and believe in that love in a way I haven't before now. I've learned a lot about loving in general this year. Not that the lessons ever end; they don't ever. At the same time, I'm willing to be even more reckless in loving than I am now, but with fewer than I have before now. Less is more.
• I'm more brave and determined. I have certain goals and although I haven't fully fleshed them out to anyone, it's enough that they have their places that I will end up in pursuing them to the end... I will certainly do that.

I've been less angry. I move even slower. I have more power, a stronger sense of... well, a lot of things. There's a lot on the horizon after everything I have been through this year. There was a lot of shedding. I want to say loss, but I haven't lost anything that was truly meaningful this year. I have amazing friends and other things I can't even begin to describe (some of it because I promised I wouldn't), and it's only getting better. The funny thing is, I don't care if it gets better or not. I'm content and moving and those two things are quite enough for me.

Normally, I take a whole week for these kinds of thoughts as I said before, but this time around, I don't want to go into next year reflecting on the last one. I'm going to start next year ready to meet it. There will be enough coming into this year from the last one anyway. I've no need to bring extra.

So, if this is the last thing I write this year, then know what I'm taking into the next year:

1. what i've learned
2. love
3. a passion for bridge burning

That, as they say, is that.