It started with being a stable friend through several years. Then talk of possibilities beyond that friendship. Communes, other nations, similar interest...
...then came the attempt. Maybe it was the wrong time. Maybe we were the wrong people. Honestly, I'll probably never know. Oh well.
Shortly after the events in that link, I decided to just send some flowers at random. Charlene had an odd reaction and I didn't understand. Now I do: she's talking to someone. That is to say, she's moving toward a relationship again. Just like the last time, she was afraid to tell me, but wanted to be honest. Just like last time, I thanked her for her honesty and wished for the best and told her she shouldn't be afraid to be honest with me. I'll never understand these things sometimes....
It will probably take another couple of these experiences before it all sinks in. I'm okay with that. I'm still sending the flowers on a random day. I just want to. I told her to watch herself. To be careful. To not put up with nonsense (she's been in this relationship before. It didn't work out well that time).
In all, I'll be that same friend from long ago. In the background. A possible protector and a good friend for moments when a good friend is needed.
In the midst of these things, I chuckle a little; she had talked about the idea. I had thought about the idea and acted on it. We tried it and it didn't work. Who knows why? I know what she was drawn to in my personality, but having someone that knows the details of your life -- of your own heart -- as well or even better than you aside from other things isn't always enough. It's almost as if romantic love involves a mystic force I don't have perhaps.
It's just my curse.... and probably a unique kind of blessing. I suppose I'll never be sure of that and that's ok. I'll not think on this too much, though. I've other things to be concerned with now.
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