My spirit is angry and I can't even speak to my journal about the reason, but I want it to be known that he does not like what he sees.
Recently, things between Joe, Heather and I are becoming a lot closer. It hasn't been too long since the first time we all met face-to-face, but they're already kinda knit to me. It's nice. They're good for me. Joe in his silence, Heather in her speech and both in their love for me which has grown even more than I thought in so short a time. We're sharing depth and it's so early. I can't even imagine what the future will look like.
This is so common. People trust me almost completely for no reason. Maybe it's the gentleness of my soul (or it's ferocity at times). Maybe it's just my smile or my tendency to hug people at random. Kindness. I don't know, but people just seem to know that they can leave anything at all in my hands and it will be fine. I have never made full sense of this and I still fail to. It's my gift and I get it. I really do. At the same time, I'm floored every time someone gives their secrets, pains, joys, and dreams to me. I'm never worthy of it and I will never feel that I am, but they honor me in giving it anyway and I make sure to be the person they can continue to love and share that with as long as they wish to do so.
Gah. It's so beautiful, but so scary to be trusted. I'm scared because I know I am not perfect. Because I know I am only human. Neverminding my track record (no one who has told me a secret has ever had it repeated by me again. Ever. Not even in my journal. The only other person that knows all the secrets I know is God.), I always treat every ounce of trust as if I could break it at any time. I'm careful to a fault. Maybe two.
I guess what I'm saying is that, if you're reading this journal, it's because you trust me and I have given you access to this as trust in return. As you tell me the things that in the hands of another could be used to destroy or harm, I reaffirm my vow never to betray that which you give me and to treat it as the treasure it is.
That's right: your trust is my treasure and not even a black dragon compares to my ferocity in protecting it.
That said, pardon my absolutely self-effacing attitude as I continue to say/think/believe that I am not worth your trust and at the same time, I'm thankful that you continue to give it in abundance. I will do everything I can to protect the gift given me.
I'm thankful that Miranda and Polli texted me for a bit last night. I think I'm going to write something very specific for Polli. You know what? Things were rough, but I don't want you to regret that forever. I don't want you to even remember it forever. It is enough that I do to the degree of detail that I do, but that had it's time and place and we are closer now and that's all that matters right now. It's clear to me that you've learned much from that moment. I'm content. You be, too.
Finally, in the short exchange of about three sentences, I've managed to run Joe offline for an indefinite period of time. I don't think I even need to describe how I'm going to feel about that for the rest of the day until that gets talked out. Even more intensely so considering the love I've grown into for him lately. This day is not going well.
Recently, things between Joe, Heather and I are becoming a lot closer. It hasn't been too long since the first time we all met face-to-face, but they're already kinda knit to me. It's nice. They're good for me. Joe in his silence, Heather in her speech and both in their love for me which has grown even more than I thought in so short a time. We're sharing depth and it's so early. I can't even imagine what the future will look like.
This is so common. People trust me almost completely for no reason. Maybe it's the gentleness of my soul (or it's ferocity at times). Maybe it's just my smile or my tendency to hug people at random. Kindness. I don't know, but people just seem to know that they can leave anything at all in my hands and it will be fine. I have never made full sense of this and I still fail to. It's my gift and I get it. I really do. At the same time, I'm floored every time someone gives their secrets, pains, joys, and dreams to me. I'm never worthy of it and I will never feel that I am, but they honor me in giving it anyway and I make sure to be the person they can continue to love and share that with as long as they wish to do so.
Gah. It's so beautiful, but so scary to be trusted. I'm scared because I know I am not perfect. Because I know I am only human. Neverminding my track record (no one who has told me a secret has ever had it repeated by me again. Ever. Not even in my journal. The only other person that knows all the secrets I know is God.), I always treat every ounce of trust as if I could break it at any time. I'm careful to a fault. Maybe two.
I guess what I'm saying is that, if you're reading this journal, it's because you trust me and I have given you access to this as trust in return. As you tell me the things that in the hands of another could be used to destroy or harm, I reaffirm my vow never to betray that which you give me and to treat it as the treasure it is.
That's right: your trust is my treasure and not even a black dragon compares to my ferocity in protecting it.
That said, pardon my absolutely self-effacing attitude as I continue to say/think/believe that I am not worth your trust and at the same time, I'm thankful that you continue to give it in abundance. I will do everything I can to protect the gift given me.
I'm thankful that Miranda and Polli texted me for a bit last night. I think I'm going to write something very specific for Polli. You know what? Things were rough, but I don't want you to regret that forever. I don't want you to even remember it forever. It is enough that I do to the degree of detail that I do, but that had it's time and place and we are closer now and that's all that matters right now. It's clear to me that you've learned much from that moment. I'm content. You be, too.
Finally, in the short exchange of about three sentences, I've managed to run Joe offline for an indefinite period of time. I don't think I even need to describe how I'm going to feel about that for the rest of the day until that gets talked out. Even more intensely so considering the love I've grown into for him lately. This day is not going well.
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